


balancé

by lovemarket



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dance, Ballet, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2020-10-24 07:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemarket/pseuds/lovemarket
Summary: Renjun’s winter semester of college is his, he’s earned the right to conclude this after auditions for the Winter Showcase go a lot better than he had expected. But then, his past catches up to him and he’s so royally fucked.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ovLKijaYPdw0hEAMKGren?si=1-nbeRWVROOuJHxtzt040g)

Renjun was a very meticulous dancer. He always practiced until his toes bruised and bled, muscles ached, until there were rolls of sweat down his back. All of the extra rehearsals he did were not in vain, as the process hailed good results. 

His audition went incredibly well and classes since then were going fine until the pianist dropped out. Renjun follows after Jeno like a lost puppy when the one month younger man exits the practice room after rehearsal. 

“Lee Jeno, what the hell? Sicheng isn’t lying about you leaving?” Renjun pushes, struggling to keep up with Jeno’s fast pace. 

The raven haired man sighs, a puff of air emitting from his mouth due to the dropping temperature. “I don’t have enough time to be an accompanist _ and _obtain my degree, alright? I’m already stressed as it is since those classes were on the verge of making me late to some of my own classes,” Jeno explains, blowing air into his hands. 

Renjun gives him a few HotHands from his jacket pocket. “Couldn’t you have worked out a schedule with Sicheng?”

Jeno shakes his head fervently. “Your tech week is the same week as my finals. It’d never work out,” He admits, giving Renjun a pat on the shoulder. “Besides, the new guy is probably great. He’s definitely got a lot more free time than I do.”

Renjun groans. “No one can play the piano better than you, Jeno. What the hell am I supposed to do during my _ pas a deux _with Hyunjin? My solo? They’re going to be ruined if you’re not the one playing!”

Renjun doesn’t really know why he’s trying so hard to convince Jeno to get back in with the dance troupe. If there’s anyone as stubborn as Renjun, it’s Jeno. He wouldn’t change his mind about anything (unless Mark Lee was the one asking). 

“Sorry, Injunnie. I have enough on my plate as it is with these architecture assignments. I’ll definitely still watch the Winter Showcase though, so… maybe you could get Mark and I free tickets?” Jeno smiles sheepishly as he keys open his dorm. 

Renjun rolls his eyes and huffs. “See you later, Jen.” Jeno laughs and it echoes down the hallway as Renjun approaches the staircase to his floor. “See ya, Junnie.”

Renjun throws his dance bag onto the end of his bed, then himself, face first into the pillows after entering his dorm. “‘M so fucked.” His voice is muffled. 

His roommate, Yangyang, looks up. His face and tone show no sympathy. “That’s rough, buddy.”

Rehearsals are usually early, starting at around nine in the morning but Renjun likes to wake up before then. He showers, drinks his morning tea, then stretches before warmups at seven. He could live without warming up before the actual warm ups in class and he has done so before, when his grades tumbled a little but now he’s got them under control and his life is in order. Peace has been restored, or so he thinks until he walks into class that morning.

“As announced last week, Jeno has prior commitments that have forced him to resign as our pianist,” Master Sicheng starts as the class warms up across the floor. 

Renjun switches his middle split to a left split, facing Donghyuck who’s in a butterfly position. He just gives a concerned look which in turn makes Renjun concerned. What the hell is going on?

“... Na Jaemin,” Sicheng concludes, turning to the boy entering the room.

Renjun’s jaw almost drops. He hasn’t heard that name since high school. He looks different now, if his hair is any indication. It’s blond with a streak of dark blue at the middle instead of the pink he had two years ago in senior year of high school and he’s taller, seemingly more mature than he was before if his looks were anything to go off of. His arms and what's exposed of his neck are adorned in tattoos and ear piercings, a huge contrast to the bubbly teen Renjun used to know.

“Jaemin will be our rehearsal pianist for the rest of the semester, up until the Winter Showcase and Recital. Taeil and his orchestra will return for the full piece but as we learn choreography, Jaemin will accompany us. Please be welcoming towards him.”

Sicheng walks over to the barre after Jaemin gives a small wave to the class, his eyes skipping right over Renjun as if he doesn’t recognize him. It makes Renjun’s blood boil. Instead of dwelling on it, he moves closer to Donghyuck. “Play something!” One of the girls demands and Jaemin takes a seat at the piano, cracking his knuckles dramatically.

Renjun rolls his eyes as Jaemin plays a long, detailed chord, his foot hitting the sustain pedal to let the sound drag out for a few more seconds. The silence returns and Jaemin breaks it with a, “I’m not that good though.”

_ Humble bastard _, Renjun thinks to himself, scowling. Jaemin was the best pianist he knew after Jeno. (Yes, after Jeno. He won’t give Jaemin the benefit of the doubt.) The girls moved closer to Jaemin, suddenly asking anything and everything their brain to mouth filter could spit out.

Renjun turns to Donghyuck, “Would pointe shoe ribbons be long enough to strangle him?” He whispers harshly. Donghyuck stifles a laugh in his hand.

Sicheng claps to garner the class’s attention. “This wasn’t an excuse to stop warming up! Class will begin in ten minutes!”

Everyone scrambles and disperses like flies at Sicheng’s warning, spreading across the floor again.

“This is literally an attack on my life,” Renjun mutters to Donghyuck, grabbing his hands and pulling the younger towards him. Donghyuck groans as Renjun pulls on his arms too hard, stretching him too much.

“Look, maybe this is a sign,” Donghyuck tries but Renjun just glares at him. “Well then, I’m going to ignore that sign because I can’t read. What the fuck kind of sign is this supposed to be?” Renjun cries, standing when he and the rest of the class hear Sicheng enter the room again. Donghyuck just shrugs, taking his place at the barre behind Mina and Hyunjoon.

They start with pliés then go into elevés and relevés at the barre. Renjun looks to Jaemin through the mirror who's sitting at the piano and watches as Sicheng calls out exercises. 

Renjun frowns, subconsciously. This is supposed to be the semester, _ his _semester to shine. He’d finally convinced his parents to come for a showcase and he fully intended to make sure that he was perfect in every way so he could continue to prove to them that majoring in dance wasn’t the wrong choice.

Jaemin stared back at him, facial expression blank and unreadable. Renjun looks away. It’s weird to him. Two years ago, Renjun would be able to understand every single thought running through Jaemin’s mind with one glance and now he’s not even sure he can recognize him.

Life goes on, awkwardly so. Renjun attends his liberal arts classes, classes specific to his Environmental Science minor, and his dance classes. He sees Jeno, Mark, and Donghyuck in between then, joining them for study sessions at the library or for meals before or after classes when their schedules match up.

Right now he’s in a class block that Sicheng dedicated to the rosters _ pas a deux _ which he is currently suffering in. Sure, dancing with Hyunjin is fun and all but Renjun is an astounding 5’6, which is kind of short for a nineteen year old male, so it’s a wonder that he’s even able to carry Hyunjin half the time.

Sicheng dismisses the lesson which goes across the board for the _ pas a deux _class and the other class across the hall where Hyunjoon was scheduled to practice for his solo. Renjun has that block tomorrow night (which he’s totally looking forward to).

Renjun storms in the practice room across the hall after he watches Madam Sooyoung and Hyunjoon leave as the class is dismissed.

“Do you think is funny or something?” Renjun asks, scaring Jaemin that he jumps a little at the piano bench. “What are you doing here?”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, “My job? Don’t be so flattered, Renjun. I don’t want to be here for the majority of my winter semester either.”

Renjun scowls, putting his hands on his hips because he thinks if they were anywhere else he might just break something. “Then why are you _ here _? How long have you even been enrolled in this school?”

From his knowledge, Renjun could’ve sworn that Jaemin accepted an offer for medical school somewhere far away, which was great at the time because they had just broken up. But now it seems that for some fucked up reason, fate has brought them together again.

“I dropped out of med school to do veterinary science here but this whole thing is just credit for my music minor. Why do you care so much anyway?” Jaemin folds his arms against his chest.

Renjun gapes for an answer. “_I’m_ asking the questions, not you!” He counters. Jaemin chuckles. “Still can’t argue with me for your life.” Renjun narrows his eyes at Jaemin, “Fuck off. I won’t let you ruin this semester for me, Na.”

“I’m not here as some kind of revenge. Just to pass a class. As much as you like to think the world revolves around you, it doesn’t. I know your ass is perfect, but you need to get your head out of it, Injunnie.”

“_ Don’t _ call me that.” Renjun blushes at the other comment, choosing to ignore it in his response though. 

Jaemin stands from the piano in silence, lingering by the door. “Let’s go.” 

Renjun gives Jaemin a look because who does Jaemin think he is, ordering Renjun around and holding his dance bag like they’re friends that do things together suddenly, like Jaemin wasn’t the one who ruined what they had? He opens his mouth to protest but Jaemin beats him to it.

“I have to lock the door behind you, smartass. Let’s _ go _.”

“O-oh,” Renjun stutters, crossing the floor quickly to catch up to Jaemin. Their height difference is still the same, Renjun looking up at Jaemin to ask for his dance bag. Their fingers brush as Jaemin passes it to him. Renjun mutters a sorry and walks out of the building without looking back.

Renjun doesn’t _ hate _Jaemin. Hate is too strong of a word. Renjun just… dislikes Jaemin and how he ruined his life senior year but the dislike slowly starts to fade day after day, walking into class and seeing the now blonde sitting at the piano, hands fluttering over the keys. 

What Renjun _ does _hate, though, are the girls that surround him before class warmups and after dismissal. Don’t they have anything better to do like stretch or go home? 

He glares at them as he warms up with Donghyuck next to him, the brunet giving him a sly look. “Who’d have thought you’d be jealous of your ex?” Donghyuck asks, reaching over to poke Renjun’s side. 

“I’m not _ jealous _,” Renjun hisses, “He’s an egotistical dumbass. There’s no room in my heart for jealousy, only hatred.”

Donghyuck just nods, a small smile on his face. Renjun huffs and walks away when Master Sicheng orders them to the floor instead of the barre. Today is the first recital rehearsal and Renjun will _ not _ let anything ruin this. He’s at the second row for warm ups: Him, Huang Renjun, a _ sophomore _, is at the second row. Donghyuck stands behind him, but there are way more sophomores in the fourth and fifth row. 

Renjun looks away from Jaemin when the warmups begin, taking note of the complex combinations. Renjun will admit, it’s hard and he wasn’t expecting it but he won’t let it bother him since the actual choreography is bound to be harder than what they’re doing across the floor at the moment. He can do this. 

Renjun’s mind went over the moves in his head as Sicheng demonstrates them, trying his hardest to memorise it so he doesn’t look like a fool in front of Jaemin and the entire class. Mostly the class. 80% in front of the class, 20% in front of Jaemin. 

“Now, with music,” Sicheng broke Renjun out of his thoughts, turning to Jaemin and giving him a signal. A melody begins and Sicheng’s 5-6-7-8 is just barely missed by Renjun, but it goes unnoticed by everyone which Renjun is grateful for. His classes mainly use CDs or tracks from a laptop, causing Renjun to focus on counts more than the music but with time, Renjun would adjust. 

_ Relevé on seven, down, prepare. Attitude, five- shit, knees. Out. _ Renjun mentally sighed in relief and continued on, unintentionally making eye contact with Sicheng who shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to tell Renjun to not be so tense. Renjun relaxed his shoulders. This is why Renjun loves ballet. It’s relaxing, calming, and one of Renjun’s favorite artistic outlets. 

Renjun watches a few seniors take the floor as they demonstrate a new combination of around thirty-two counts. He quickly tries to burn the moves in his mind before it’s his turn. He’d have more time if he were in the fourth or fifth row but he’s in the second and even though it makes him feel accomplished, it stresses him out just as much. 

Subconsciously, Renjun glances at Jaemin to see how he’s doing now that the feeling of the music has changed. It’s definitely more upbeat than the last. For some reason, Renjun expects Jaemin to be having a hard time but his face is blank as though there are no thoughts running through his mind. Jaemin’s hands move elegantly across the piano and his feet push the pedals at all the right spots. He seems to be in his element just as much as Renjun is. 

The line moves and now Renjun is at the front. His gaze flickers to Sicheng, waiting for the older man to nod, signalling the start of his line’s turn for the combination. 

Renjun turns out in fifth position. _ Three, four, glissade, six- shift. _ Renjun furrows his eyebrows in deep concentration. _ Eight, one, pas de chat, step point, shift– no. Wait, fuck, fuck– _

Renjun’s heart almost stops completely as he falls out of his leap, leaving him a step behind compared to everyone else. He glances at the others, struggling to find his place and keep up with them when the music fumbles. 

“Sorry, fucked that one up. My fault,” Jaemin looks over his shoulder at Sicheng. 

“Language, Jaemin. It’s okay,” Sicheng shakes his head. “We’ll just do it again.”

Renjun risks a glance at Jaemin who’s already turned around, back straightened out and hands on the piano keys, ready to play the tune again. 

Renjun bites his bottom lip, returning back to his spot. His heart is about to pop out of his chest because why would Jaemin do that? He wouldn’t just mess up like that, especially not on a piece so complex if his body language while playing was any indication. Jaemin played that melody like it was as easy as breathing. 

He didn’t have time to think about it too hard as Sicheng began to count his line in again. Renjun let out a shaky breath and relaxed himself, getting ready to begin the combination for the second time, chiding himself to do it this time with no mistakes.

  
  
The boys get a break while Sicheng works with the girls, having them do combinations across the floor that the boys can’t do so Renjun sprints out of the hall and to the closest on-campus cafe.

Renjun silently prays to whatever God first comes to mind and taps his foot hoping Mark answers his phone while he waits on line. He keeps his head down because Renjun was in a rush when he’d heard Sicheng call the break and now he was standing in Cafe 1853 with his dance tights and a sweatshirt. He's lucky it's warmer in here than it is outside.

Customers are staring and if he were dancing on a stage, Renjun wouldn’t mind but he’s not so he does. 

“Renjun?” Mark’s voice is raspy, indicating that he most definitely just woke up. 

“Mark? Did I wake you?”

Mark groans on his end of the line. “Yes, because it’s almost ten in the morning on a Saturday so please tell me what could be so important that you’re ruining my sleep? This call might wake Jeno, you know.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, “What kind of coffee does Na Jaemin like?” After the breakup, Jaemin was closer to Mark and Jeno than the whole friend group, Renjun remembers. He didn’t remember, however, Jaemin’s coffee order because Renjun’s personal preference was tea. 

Mark sighs. “This is a Jeno question and I’m not waking him up for an answer.”

Renjun purses his lips even though he knows Mark can’t see him. “Anything? You haven’t heard Jeno order a coffee for him ever?”

Mark sighs, louder this time. “I don’t know- Uh, he gets eight shots of espresso? So maybe it’s an Americano or something?”

Renjun wrinkles his nose. _ Fucking disgusting _, he thinks, stepping up to the register. “Okay, thanks, love you, bye.” He spits out, barely giving Mark the chance to bid goodbye as well. 

“Uh, can I get a large iced americano with eight shots of espresso?” 

The look the cashier gives Renjun after hearing the order is hilarious but he’s so stressed that no laughter comes. She turned around and began to mark a cup. Renjun stepped aside, letting out a sigh. This man is going to be the death of him.

And when Renjun returns to the dance hall, he practically tugs off his boots and throws on his dance shoes, bursting into the rehearsal room and placed the large cup on the piano as carefully as he could, accidentally dropping his sweatshirt. Renjun hopes Jaemin sees the scribbled _ THANKS! _on the paper cardboard as he turns his focus to the rest of rehearsal. 

Renjun had a little bit of peace, his mind finally not running all over the place when he got sectioned off to a different studio room with a group of some other guys to learn a new combination that pertained to the showcase. 

Sicheng dismissed the groups for lunch and Renjun found Jaemin in a studio across the hall. He wasn’t alone, as expected. There were two girls standing there, talking with him as he sat at the piano. 

Renjun lingered outside the doorway. Conveniently, there was a passageway from this studio to the next, where Renjun conveniently yet also accidentally left his boots earlier. He just needs to find his shoes, not the man with too many tattoos, piercings and a dumb as fuck streak of blue in his newly dyed blond hair. Nope. 

Giving a quick glance in the room, his boots were nowhere to be found but Sicheng gave an hour and a half for their lunch break. He had to spend this time wisely so the only logical choice was to go through the room and use the back door to get to the other studio. This room, where Jaemin was conveniently conversing with those two girls that were always on Renjun’s last nerve. Not because he wanted to see Jaemin, God no, but because this route was the fastest. Obviously. 

“Hey, Renjun!”

Renjun ignores Jaemin, putting his head down but if anyone notices his pace slowing, no one says anything about it. 

The sound of the piano bench scraping against the floor, indicating that Jaemin is standing makes Renjun’s heart rate increase. “Thanks for the coffee. Didn’t know you knew my order.”

“I don’t. I just… Guessed,” Renjun muttered. 

Jaemin smirks, “You’re a good guesser. I could almost kiss you right now.”

Renjun’s head snaps up and he scowls, “_ Don’t _kiss me if you want to wake up in your own bed tomorrow, Na.”

“Trade my life for a kiss, you say, Injunnie? How Shakespearian of you!” Jaemin approaches him and Renjun takes a step back each time. “You wouldn’t know Shakespeare if he slapped you across the face.” Renjun countered, his back hitting the barre. 

The girls that were surrounding the piano are still around, giggling at the two of them bickering. Renjun fights the urge to roll his eyes. No wonder Jaemin is putting on a show. 

“So… you heard me play, right?” “Jaemin, I hear you play at every single class.” Renjun deadpans, crossing his arms over his chest. “I heard you fuck up today too.”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow at that. Renjun doesn’t have a better segue into what he wants to say, wants to ask about the little mishap earlier because he _ really _ doesn’t want to mention it in front of these girls. “Uhm. Anyway, do you– Do you know what rehearsal you’re playing for later in the evening–”

“Renjun? Are these your boots? They were in the other studio,” Hyunjin bursts into the room unintentionally. 

Renjun looks between Hyunjin’s approaching figure and Jaemin. “Yeah, I must’ve forgotten about them.”

Renjun silently thanks Hyunjin for reminding him about his real purpose for coming to this room. “W-wait, these are yours?” Jaemin asks, the lilt of his voice bordering on teasing. 

“Yes.” Renjun replies through gritted teeth. “You’re feet are still so small, holy shit! These are like a size seven, Renjun, what the fuck!” Jaemin bursts into laughter, the noise doing nothing to calm Renjun’s beating heart or the blush creeping onto his face. 

Hyunjin takes a closer look at them, “You know, we could probably share shoes, Renjun.”

Renjun sighs deeply from his nose and snatches his shoes from Jaemin. _ You do one nice thing for your ex and suddenly they think you’re friends again _, Renjun thinks. “I’m leaving.”

Jaemin’s laugh echoes down the hallway and this time, Renjun finds himself wanting it on a loop. 

* * *

Renjun finds that his life at dance with Jaemin was quite separated from his life with Yangyang, Jeno, Donghyuck and Mark, despite Jaemin having transferred to their college. 

Miraculously, the only time he’d ever seen Jaemin was in his _pas a deux_ class or recital rehearsals, unfortunately until today. Renjun was spread out across Donghyuck’s bed in his shared dorm with Jeno, sitting in silence. Donghyuck was in class but Jeno had a break and Mark was supposed to be on his way with mooncakes, the only reason Renjun was in their building. 

The door slams open and Jaemin storms in, shaking papers and his laptop. “Jen, I think I’m gonna drop out, for real this time.”

Jaemin completely ignores Renjun’s presence, plopping himself in the beanbag in front of the window. “Read this shit, it’s literally taking me four fucking hours.” Jaemin runs a hand through his hair. It’s been a while and the blue is fading now. 

“_A hypothesis is a tentative explanation for an observation or phenomenon. Blah blah, science and the scientific method… Some more smart people words, Professor Evans, please just give me an A and I’ll be fine with th_– Jaemin.” Jeno throws the paper back onto the younger’s lap. “You got all of that done in four hours? Isn’t this paper due tomorrow?” 

Jaemin nods, his hands carrying his head. “I’m such an idiot.”

Renjun snorts, pretending to busy himself with his own textbook reading. “_ Now _ he admits it.”

Jaemin looks up. “First the coffee and now this? Injunnie, you have to stop flirting with me like that.”

“I don’t usually flirt with people who don’t even say hi to me when they walk in the room.” Renjun’s mouth runs faster than his brain. He realizes what he just said, scrambling for something to say. Jeno gives Renjun an indecipherable look. 

“I’m leaving,” Renjun announces, slamming his textbook shut and shoving it in his bag. “But we’ve only just begun?” Jaemin smirks.

“See you later Jeno!” Renjun slams the door shut, barely giving Jeno the chance to say goodbye. 

“Renjun? Where are you going?” Renjun passes by Mark on his way to the elevator. “Forgot about a prior commitment. You can eat my mooncake,” Renjun keeps walking. He frowns. He’s upset about the mooncakes but he’s more upset at the fact that he no longer knows where his heart wants to stand with Jaemin. 

  
  
“_Up_, Renjun!” Sicheng repeats, practically yelling this time. Renjun jumps again but not as powerful as the first time. Renjun cracks under pressure, okay? He cries very easily, especially when someone is yelling. 

Sicheng hits his yardstick on the floor, the snap sound making Renjun jump in his own skin. “_Lift_!” 

A squeak escapes Renjun’s mouth after another loud snap from the yardstick making contact with the floor, causing Renjun to fall out, his ankle hitting the floor totally wrong. The accompaniment stops and Renjun sits there, breathing hard and heavily. 

Renjun usually loves rehearsals for his solo but tonight was too much. Sicheng was pushing him beyond his limits right now but there were no limits when it came to things like this. Sicheng could tell when his students were a mess and right now, Renjun felt like a trashed frat house after a Friday night party. 

He keeps his head down, knowing that one measly second of eye contact with Sicheng would make him break down and Renjun doesn't want to do that in front of Sicheng nor Jaemin. 

He knows Sicheng is disappointed in him right now, evident in his teacher’s tone of voice. “Take five, Huang. We’ll do lyricals instead. You’re not feeling it today.”

Sicheng’s shoes echo as he leaves the room. Renjun arches his back. _ Oh, trust me _ , _ I’m fucking feeling it _, he thinks. 

While Renjun is sitting on the floor attempting to catch his breath, he thinks about how he wishes he were anywhere but here for once. 

After storming out of Chrysostom Hall from embarrassment, Jeno begged Renjun to come back over to help him and Jaemin write their paper though he wasn’t sure why. For once, he wasn’t trying to prove something to himself, that he most definitely didn’t like Jaemin anymore. They just talked and fooled around like friends while getting the five page paper done with Mark’s small comments since he was probably more qualified to help with a lab write-up than Renjun was. 

He’d be a liar if he said he didn’t miss what they had because admittedly it was nice while it lasted. If Jaemin didn’t fuck things up and cheat on him, maybe they’d still have something. Maybe Renjun wouldn’t feel so stupid every time his heart skipped a beat when Jaemin smiled at him or when he let himself stare at Jaemin at the piano for a too long.

Renjun rises from the floor though he wishes the wood would swallow him whole. Alas, his wishes are unrealistic and nothing happens. He walks to the dressing room, Jaemin’s stare boring into the back of his head. He hates it. He doesn’t want Jaemin’s concern or pity. This is just another day in the life, Renjun will get over it like he always does. He doesn’t seem strong all the time but he’s definitely stronger than he lets on. 

Renjun frowned, pulling off the ballet shoes and switching into what were called _ footundeez… _ Embarrassingly accurate as they only provided protection to the balls of his feet.

Rehearsal starts again after Renjun’s blessed five minutes are up and the air is tense. Jaemin is sitting at the piano, apathetically. His hands just hover over the keyboard, blank stare in his eyes, not even on his phone like usually does when there’s a break. Renjun looks away, ready to return to work and soon he’s back to being verbally harassed for every little mistake he makes. 

“Higher!” 

Renjun tries to fix his slip-up. 

“More power! Lift _ up _, Renjun!”

The more it’s repeated, the more Renjun internally gets irritated. It’s not uncommon to leave a rehearsal with a sore body but at this rate he’ll be walking home on bruised feet. Pain was just a given that came with the beauty of dancing. Unwisely and quite stupidly if Renjun has anything to say about it, his toe drags down on a fouette turn, causing him to gasp in pain as he attempts to roll out of it, desperate to keep dancing and avoid getting chastised again. 

“Stop!” Sicheng taps the piano and the music immediately falters, Jaemin’s head snapping up, Sicheng’s voice breaking him out of whatever trance he was just in. “Did you just catch your toe?” Sicheng asks, tone softer than all the yelling he’d been doing moments prior. _ Of course, I just caught my toe _, Renjun wishes to retort but another part of him demands he shakes his head and persevere. 

“Y-yes,” Renjun stutters out. The silence is broken occasionally by Renjun’s heavy breathing. Sicheng sighs and the disappointment is astoundingly obvious. He gives notes that Renjun mentally stores, holding back his tears.

“Please be prepared for next week,” Sicheng pats Renjun’s shoulder then leaves. Renjun rushes into the dressing room, plopping himself on the bench and throwing everything haphazardly into his bag while frantically wiping at his eyes. _ Stupid, stupid, stupid, _ his mind repeats and his face feels hot, tears are rolling down his cheeks and Renjun just feels like a pile of shit. 

“Hi,” Jaemin’s voice is just barely a whisper. Renjun doesn’t feel like talking but doesn’t want to ignore Jaemin either. The blond sits next to him. “Hey,” Renjun mutters, still organising his dance bag. 

Renjun doesn’t have anything to say and he’s not sure what Jaemin will say. Even though they’ve been doing well together these past few weeks, Renjun can’t help but not be on edge around Jaemin all the time. What if he lets something slip? He’d already said that dumb thing about flirting a few nights ago. Renjun doesn’t think he could be in a relationship right now, especially not with an ex… His only ex. 

“You’re amazing, you know.” Jaemin continues. Renjun chuckles, sniffling a little. He was going to say something self-deprecating but his throat gives out on him due to the intense cry he just had. 

“I know you don’t think so right now because you stress your pretty little head about everything but… I’ve been sitting in on all these rehearsals, Renjun. You’re going to be incredible, hell, you _ are _ incredible.” Making eye contact with Jaemin as he praises him does things to Renjun so he busies himself, slipping on his socks even though his feet and ankles are practically crying with him. 

“And I know telling you not to worry won’t make you worry less but.. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of.”

Renjun takes a deep breath and turns to Jaemin who’s staring at him still. “Thanks,” Renjun smiles, trying to calm his beating heart when Jaemin wipes away his tears. “C-can you hand me my sneakers?”

Jaemin nods, “Baby feet.” Renjun chuckles. “I do _ not _have baby feet,” He argues, ignoring the sharp pains that pulse through him. 

“Sounds like something someone with baby feet would say.” Jaemin watched as Renjun winces after rolling his ankles and pointing his toes. 

“That was a pretty bad fall back there.” “You have good observational skills,” Renjun deadpans. He doesn’t want to think about it. 

Jaemin bends down and Renjun assumes he’s going to put his shoes on for him but then Jaemin is getting up with Renjun’s dance bag on one shoulder. “Get on.”

“Get on?” Renjun repeats. “I’ll give you a piggyback. You know, since you helped me with my paper.”

Renjun stifles a laugh. His feet fucking ache so he’s certainly not going to reject a piggyback ride from the person a shit ton of the freshman are scared of. “Don’t forget my coat!” He calls out as Jaemin approaches the exit of the dressing room. 

“Of course not, your majesty.” Jaemin quips, hoisting Renjun onto his back. Renjun thinks he could get used to this. 

They walk in silence for the most part, Renjun seeking warmth for his hands in Jaemin’s own jacket. The younger whines when Renjun’s cold hands come in contact with his warm skin. 

It isn’t until Jaemin approaches the dorm hall that Renjun realizes that they live in the same hall and conveniently, the same floor. It’s weird because he’s literally never come across Jaemin until the younger took it upon himself to be Jeno’s successor as the dance department’s accompanist for classes and rehearsals. 

“Here we are, your highness,” Jaemin opens the door to his dorm which is currently occupied. 

“Nana! You’re back!” A high yet also somehow low voice calls out when they see Jaemin in the doorway. 

“Hey whores. This,” Jaemin turns around, showing off Renjun. He waves timidly. “Is a friend of mine.”

“A friend, eh? You got him for the night?” 

“Not for the night, Hei. I don’t do those anymore,” Jaemin sighs as if this is a common question. “So, what, are y’all dating?” Another one asks, with lilac-ish hair. 

“Your pull game with girls is weak but I didn’t think it was too weak to go for guys now,” Hei, Renjun assumes, retorts, taking a swig of whatever is in his red cup. Renjun mentally nods to himself, coming to a realisation. That’s why these guys were acting the way they were, they’re all probably shitfaced. 

Jaemin tries to twist his body to make Renjun fully visible but Renjun tightens his grip on Jaemin’s waist with his legs, making it impossible. “Fuck! Ow, This is Huang Renjun,” Jaemin smiles in the end, resigning to the fact that Renjun _ doesn’t _want to be seen by these people. 

People like them are the exact reason he only hangs out with Jeno, Donghyuck, Mark and Yangyang. Renjun only hangs out with Yangyang during the day though, because the younger man is quite the party animal. Renjun wouldn’t be surprised if Yangyang knew Hei and whoever these other three people were. 

“Okay, well, I’m going to go now, then.” Renjun concludes, hopping off of Jaemin’s back himself. 

Renjun lets himself out and starts towards the end of the hall where his room is when Jaemin calls out his name. “Your bag! Almost forgot it,” Jaemin hands it over. 

“Thanks.” Renjun hopes Jaemin knows that it goes for everything: the piano mishap, what he said earlier, the piggyback ride. Renjun is just too prideful to say it out loud. 

Jaemin nods with a smile. “No problem.” They stand in silence for a second. 

“So, uh,” Renjun rolls his feet again, ankles cracking unnaturally. “Is this done with? We’re just… just _ friends _ right?”

Jaemin cocks his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“The flirting and the compliments and everything. You know, the mushy stuff.” Renjun turns his head, not wanting to see Jaemin’s reaction. 

“Right,” Jaemin snaps his fingers. “Yeah, it’s over. Done, if you want it to be.”

“Okay.” Renjun nods. 

“Alright.” Jaemin responds, though he didn’t need to. “See you in rehearsal.” “Yeah,” Renjun walks back to his dorm and when he turns around before entering, Jaemin is gone. 

  
  
Renjun does his normal morning routine the next Saturday for rehearsal thirty minutes early. He made a promise with Jaemin to get breakfast after the older had some kind of weird as hell party last night that made Renjun stay up until three am with how loud the hall was. 

He knocks on Jaemin’s door hard, half on purpose to annoy the man but also because even with the way he’s bundled up, the hallway is cold as fuck. It’s snowing now and it’s bound to be even more cold outside. 

“Wow, what a lovely morning surprise,” Jaemin smiles when he answers the door, coming out into the hallway. “We should do this every morning.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “This isn’t something you should get used to.” Jaemin chuckles, “‘Course not. You were never one for PDA, don’t think I forgot, Injunnie.”

“Whatever. We’re going to be late, let’s go.” Renjun walks, Jaemin lingering behind him, moving insanely slow, probably to annoy Renjun even more. 

“We’ve got all the time in the world, muffin!”

Renjun groans and walks faster. 

They walk in silence for the most part until Jaemin breaks the silence. 

“If we make this a regular thing–” (“We won’t,” Renjun interrupts him but Jaemin talks over him) “You should just stay the night in my room!”

Renjun scoffs, “Why, so I can reek of weed and alcohol all the time? Lose more sleep in that loud ass room of yours?”

“Well,” Jaemin drags it out, “We could do other things besides sleep–” Renjun glares at Jaemin, causing him to stop his thought. 

“Are you upset about the party?” He asks, suddenly serious. Renjun bites his bottom lip. “Honestly? Kind of.” Even Yangyang was annoyed by it which is definitely saying something because on any other Friday, at some point Yangyang would’ve been _ part _of the party. 

It wasn’t even the fact that the parties were loud (though it was irritating) because Renjun knew that there was no college without partying. The annoying part is that they do it almost every night and even Jaemin looks like shit sometimes, bags on bags under his eyes and yawning up a storm during rehearsals. 

Renjun just shakes his head and they both drop it, walking into Cafe 1853. “You know, you’ve given me a lot of firsts.” Jaemin comments, making Renjun almost trip over his own two feet. 

“What?” “This is the first time I won’t be walking into the studio ten minutes late,” Jaemin elaborates, a sly smile on his face. “What did you think I meant?”

Renjun hits Jaemin’s arm, turning away to hide his blush. It’s from the cold from outside, Renjun reasons with himself. “Nothing.” Renjun orders a chocolate chip muffin and tries to pay but Jaemin already has his school ID out. 

“Just this,” Jaemin tells the cashier, swiping his ID. “You know,” Jaemin continues after Renjun receives his pastry, holding the door open as they exit, “You’re rubbing off on me. It’s really ruining this punk image I’m supposed to have now that we’re in college.”

Renjun laughs. He remembers Jaemin used to tell him that once they were in university, he’d reinvent himself into someone no one could recognise. Out of all the promises they made together, this was probably the only one Jaemin actually kept. 

“Oops,” Renjun shrugs. “ _ Muffin _ you can do about it.” He giggles, taking a bite into the delicacy and walking before noticing that Jaemin was lacking behind. 

“What are you doing? C’mon, we’ll really be late this time,” Renjun turns around. Jaemin just smiles. “Sorry, that was like the cutest thing I’ve seen you do around me since high school.”

Renjun’s face suddenly burns. “Should’ve seen the look on your face.” He mutters, just loud enough for Jaemin to hear. 

Jaemin snickers. “Glad to know your feelings haven’t gone anywhere.” “Don’t flatter yourself, Na. There’s no feelings here,” Renjun deadpans, raising an eyebrow. “Sure, Injunnie.”

“I mean it, Jaemin.”

“I know you do, Renjun.”

Later during the rehearsal, Renjun is standing in line as Sicheng teaches new combinations, deep in concentration to memorize the steps. 

Renjun distracts himself for a second, glancing at Jaemin through the mirror, who’s already staring at him. Renjun gives his best ‘_stop staring at me_’ face to which Jaemin sticks his tongue out. 

Renjun fixed his face when Donghyuck nudged his side. The piece was getting more complex and Jaemin’s piano skills were good but they weren’t  _ that  _ good, not as good as Taeil. Renjun noticed Jaemin would stare at the sheet music more often than just his hands. 

“1, 2, 3– _Huang_!” Sicheng’s yell makes Renjun jump in his skin and scramble to fix his missed entrance. He’d just barely missed it but this time the damage was done. Renjun fixed his body and tried not to let guilt wash over him as he felt Sicheng watch him through the whole combination. 

After class, Sicheng pulls Renjun aside. Renjun wants to tell the older man to save it, that he’s already scolded himself in his head the entire rehearsal so he could spare him. 

“When you come in for rehearsal next week, I expect complete focus from you. You’ve got to get it together, Renjun. The dance industry is ruthless on guys like you, kid.” Sicheng’s hand lingers on Renjun’s shoulder before he walks away. 

Renjun huffs.  _ Guys like me? _ Renjun thinks, ripping off his dance shoes and throwing them into his bag, haphazardly busying himself.  _ Yeah, guys like me who are short as fuck and suck ass at pas de deux. Complete focus on the combinations instead of the dickwad at the piano _ . 

Some stupid part of Renjun hopes that Jaemin would come over and calm him down but when Renjun looks up to see Jaemin talking with Ryujin (who’s thrown herself all over him since he got here) he gets pissed. 

Jaemin makes eye contact with him and sends a small smile. Renjun looks away, pulling his coat and boots on.  _ What the fuck _ , Renjun thinks. It’s not like he and Jaemin are dating. They haven’t been dating since senior year of high school. Renjun is foolish for letting his feelings get in the way of dance again. 

He walks down the hallway briskly, focusing on the small puffs of breath that come from his mouth due to the cold weather. 

“Hey! Injun-ah!” Jaemin calls out. Renjun stops, furious. Renjun turns around, arms crossed over his chest and with the dirtiest look on his face that he could muster. He thinks Jaemin is so lucky they’re out of the vicinity of everyone at the studio otherwise they’d hear every word of what Renjun is about to say. 

“How are you so fast, my legs are so much longer than yours,” Jaemin chuckles. “Jaemin. Stop,” Renjun deadpans. 

“Stop what? Is this about the parties? We could have them like every  _ other  _ night or something—”

“I am upset about that but that is  _ so _ far from the point,” Renjun tries to start but Jaemin interrupts him. 

“Are we fighting right now? Is that what’s happening, like all those fights we had two years ago when we were  _ teenagers _ ? I’ll play whatever game you want, honey, but—”

“There is no game, Jaemin! We’re not playing anything and we never were, okay?”

Jaemin frowns a little. “Okay,” He drags it out, taking a step closer and Renjun steps back. “You were never good at lying because whatever this entire week was, it was definitely—”

“Alright, fine!” Renjun shook his head, running his hands through his hair like a madman. “Whatever we have or don’t have, God, it doesn’t even matter anymore. But whatever it is needs to  _ end _ , like right here and now, Jaemin. I’ve had enough!”

“Enough of what?” Anger is slowly seeping into Jaemin’s face. 

“ _ This _ !” Renjun yells back. “No more nicknames and compliments and fucking up the music because I made a rookie mistake or-or  _ flirting _ because I think I might lose my damn mind if you so much as try one more cheesy pick-up line on me again,” Renjun is rambling as he lists things off the top of his head now and he probably doesn’t seem coherent anymore but he’s truly sick of whatever has been boiling up inside of him that Sicheng decided to pile on top of. 

Jaemin gapes for a response. 

“Quite frankly,” Renjun inhales, “This is a waste of my fucking time. I need to focus on ballet and this fucking recital and you have your vet science track and the music minor and—” Renjun huffs. “It’s not going to work. I can’t do this again.”

_ I can’t do this again because finally having you back in my life is so nice and I realize that all the feelings I had for you never went away despite how shitty you were to me two yers ago but you’re different now and I want this to work but it never will because I’m jealous of all the girls that hang around you and try to hook up with you twenty-four seven. I hate that this whole flirting thing is just a joke to you sometimes because even though I joke back, it doesn’t feel like a joke to me anymore and that's what I'm scared of. Falling in love with you again because I don't know if we'll have a happy ending this time. _

Renjun stares at Jaemin, who stares back at him in complete and utter silence. Renjun doesn’t wait for an answer, doesn’t say what he really wants to. He turns around and starts his trek back to the dorms.  _ Fuck _ . 


	2. Chapter 2

The next few weeks went by slowly and painfully, at least to Renjun. He tried to convince himself that he was fine every day, walking into rehearsal and class, eating lunch with Yangyang who didn’t say anything about the sadness that was radiating off of Renjun, which he was glad about. 

Renjun was fine, completely happy, no tears here.

He had gone over to Donghyuck and Jeno’s dorm that Wednesday with the intent of having some people around to get his mind off of things since Jeno was the only one who knew what really happened between him and Jaemin. Donghyuck was supposed to go home for some kind of family event in the evening so he’d assumed all was good until Donghyuck and Mark entered the room.

“Oh, hey Junnie,” Mark greets him, closing the door behind him. Renjun sits up in Jeno’s bed, blanket all bundled around him, making him look like a burrito. He knew Jeno and Mark were supposed to go on a date tonight as well but Jeno, being the absolute angel he is, offered to let Renjun stay over while they were out.

“Hyuck, why are you here? Where are you guys going?” Renjun asked, suddenly curious. “Are y’all going out?” It sounded stupid, childish.  _ Out _ , like partying and drinking out. Renjun didn’t enjoy drinking very much but maybe it could help sort his mind.

Donghyuck nods, straightening out the collar of his shirt in his mirror. “Got the date wrong for the family party. You’re not coming? I thought that’s why Jeno invited you over in the first place.” Renjun shrugged, glancing at Jeno with a face that asked ‘ _ Is Jaemin going to be there? _ ’ Jeno nodded, a sympathetic expression on his face.

“I’ll pass,” Renjun concludes, sinking further into Jeno’s bed sheets and comforter. They smelled vaguely of Mark, his three cats and vanilla simultaneously which was weird but comforting. Mark frowns. “If this is about Jaemin—” Jeno makes an exaggerated effort to clear his throat, shooting a glare at Mark who ignores him. “You can avoid him. The frat is pretty big.” 

Renjun raises an eyebrow. Guys willingly going to a frat party? No thanks, he’d rather keep his five dollars, honestly. That’s besides the point though. Just the chance of running into Jaemin makes Renjun sick to his stomach.

“What happened between you two anyway?” Donghyuck asks. Renjun almost forgot he was there. “Nothing,” Renjun answers, fumbling around in Jeno’s bed for his phone so he doesn’t have to look at any of them. He can feel the judging stare from Jeno. “We just don’t like to hang around each other that much. Nothing a little distance can’t fix.”

Renjun opens his phone to the first app he sees. PUBG. He could play PUBG and pretend he’s not complete ass at it for a good hour or so. “That was never gonna work, Mark,” Jeno whispers a little too loud as the three of them begin to get ready to actually leave.

“Well, if you change your mind, let us know. We’ll be at Sig Nu!” Donghyuck waves. Renjun hears Mark comment, “I’m literally going to kill Jaemin” before closing the door behind them. Renjun frowns, falling back into Jeno’s bed. 

At rehearsals the next Friday, Renjun feels like complete shit. He doesn’t understand how Jaemin manages to be so distracting when the whole point of pushing him away was so that Renjun  _ wouldn’t  _ be distracted by him. Renjun does his stretches at the complete other side of the room but there Jaemin is, at the piano, in all his glory.

When Renjun first entered Jaemin was on his phone, probably on Twitter or something, but now Ryujin, Chaewon and Hyunjoon are sitting around him doing their own stretches, talking and laughing with him. Renjun glares at them because how dare they have a good time? How dare Jaemin have a good time? 

It wasn’t like Renjun could go yell at him because there was nothing to yell about, nothing he should be mad about. Jaemin was keeping his distance, ignoring him just like Renjun had told him to. 

Renjun shifted into a split, glancing over at the group forming around the piano as Jaemin played All Star by Smash Mouth. They chorused terribly until Jaemin switched to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star then A Thousand Miles seemingly seamlessly. That’s just how good of a piano player Jaemin is. The entire class is singing and dancing now, dancing badly on purpose.

“ _ I need you! _ ” They dance weirdly at the small break. Renjun looks up again, unintentionally making eye contact with Jaemin. He isn’t singing because Renjun knows that Jaemin doesn’t think he’s a good singer but he’s mouthing the lyrics instead “ _ And I miss you, and now I wonder… You know I’d walk a thousand miles~ _ ” He plays the whole song, mouthing along and Renjun isn’t sure if their shared eye contact is intentional on Jaemin’s part but he likes it.

For the rest of rehearsal, Renjun focused on himself and what he needed to improve. It was hard, still knowing that Jaemin was there in the back of his mind for the entirety of it but he really needed to get his combinations down so as to not get on Sicheng’s nerves again like two weeks ago. Renjun doesn’t think he’d be able to survive with disappointing Sicheng the way he did for a second time. 

Every few minutes Renjun would let his eyes glaze over to the piano, he’d always see a few girls approaching. They were different every time and Renjun knew he had no business getting jealous about it, not after what he pulled two Fridays ago but he just  _ was _ . He was pissed but grateful that he had the rehearsal to take his mind off of it occasionally, as well as Sicheng shooing them away before they got too close. He was always thankful that Jaemin couldn’t indulge them since he was busy with playing and paying attention to the sheet music. Renjun would hand it to him because from what he was hearing, the sheet music was probably more complex than last week’s rehearsal. 

A few of the girls and guys stayed back for extra review during the lunch break and when they finished they all bid their goodbyes filing out one by one before going somewhere close by to eat. Renjun lingered behind, wanting to focus on some of his own things like his solo and maybe even a bit of blocking for his  _ pas de deux _ but turning around and seeing Jaemin there, shuffling his sheet music and putting them away before he gets new ones, Renjun couldn’t help but let his feet carry himself over to the piano. 

_ Apologise _ . Renjun’s mind scolds him.  _ Tell him how you really feel _ .

“Your shoes don’t match today.” Renjun blurts out.  _ Fucking idiot _ , he mentally scolds himself.

Jaemin looks down at his shoes then to his shirt, finally at Renjun with a stern look. If Renjun didn’t know him, he’d be intimidated. “I thought we weren’t supposed to talk to each other.”

_ Right _ .

“No. We’re not.” Renjun looks down but promptly looks back up at the sound of Jaemin’s laugh. “So what is this? Singing? You’ve always been a better singer than me.”

Renjun shakes his hand to dismiss the claim, “No, I’m not that great—”

“Don’t be so humble, Injunnie,” Jaemin interrupts him. “But it doesn’t matter if you can’t sing, honey, because I know you can make so many more sweeter sounding noises in be—”

“Shut the fuck up,” Renjun’s face burns as he hits Jaemin’s shoulder, fighting not to smile. Jaemin’s laugh is loud and Renjun can’t help but let a snort out. The atmosphere at the start of their conversation was dry and tense but now it was open. Renjun wanted to talk to Jaemin, ask for the chance to explain himself but it was too late. Renjun was convinced the damage was done.

The silence returns and Renjun doesn’t know what to say anymore. “See you later?” Jaemin asks, walking over to the door. Renjun just nods. “Yeah.”

  
  
Renjun can’t stop glaring. Chaewon called him out for it, wondering why he keeps staring at Jaemin but how could he not? With those girls all over him, sitting in his lap?! Who did they think they were? They weren’t even being subtle about it either, Renjun huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

Shuhua was sitting on Jaemin’s lap, more so his knees, playing the piano with her hands over Jaemin’s. Admittedly, it was terrible because every few chords, Jaemin would hit the wrong key and Shuhua would laugh so obnoxiously. God, it made Renjun want to hurl in front of them.

Renjun pretended to be invested in his cool-down exercises on the barre but his head shot up when Jaemin addressed him. “You next, honey?” Renjun scoffs, trying to will away the blush that creeps on his face after realizing he was staring too intensely and moved closer to them than he had intended. Maybe he should’ve listened to Chaewon when she said he was burning a hole in the back of Jaemin’s head.

“Excuse me?” Renjun retorted, his voice raising an octave, very embarrassingly. Jaemin smirks. “You’re  _ staring _ . You jealous?”

Shuhua pointedly removes her hands from on top of Jaemin’s. Renjun secretly wishes she’d remove herself from him as well but we all can’t get what we want, or so Renjun has come to learn.

Renjun swears his eye twitches and he inhales because he’s definitely about to rip Jaemin a whole new asshole and not feel bad about doing it in front of Shuhua, Chaewon, Donghyuck Hyunjin or Ryujin. “Oh, I’m sorry,” He feigns an apologetic tone, “I just thought that this was some kind of free show for whoever was watching.” 

Jaemin’s eyebrows raise, “This can be whatever kind of show you want it to be, as long as the audience participates.”

Renjun laughs but there’s no humor that caused it. “Well, I’ll have you know, Na Jaemin, that I participate with people who are only interested in me.” 

They have a stare down that breaks Renjun out of only when the small group of people in the room let out small gasps and  _ ‘oh’s _ in response to what they just watched. Renjun stomps away and from the sound of the piano bench against the floor, Jaemin follows him into the dressing room. Renjun lets the door slam in Jaemin’s face, plopping himself down on the bench and changing out of his dance shoes.

“What the fuck, Renjun?” Jaemin storms in. He doesn’t think he’s seen Jaemin this angry since the day they broke up. “I don’t get you, okay? What the  _ fuck  _ do you want from me?”

Renjun balls his fists, trying to find something to busy himself with. “What happened to last night’s party?” He settles on asking.

Jaemin scoffs. “Seriously? Are you kidding me, right—”

“Were you too busy getting it on with Ryujin? Shuhua? Or was it someone else because there are so many girls here that hang off your dick it’s been really hard for me to keep track lately,” Renjun deadpans. He knows he sounds crazy, maybe even a little bit (a lot) stupid but he doesn’t care. Renjun tells himself he one hundred percent, absolutely does not care about how Jaemin feels. Not one bit, no.

Jaemin shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t understand. You don’t want me to have parties every night, now you get mad when there isn’t one. I flirt with you, you get mad. I flirt with other people after you specifically tell me not to flirt with  _ you _ , and you still get angry! You’re the most confusing, hot and cold person I’ve ever known.” Jaemin marches up to him, his feet filling Renjun’s sight. He looks up.

“Do you know what the hardest part about all this bullshit you keep pushing onto me is, Renjun? The fact that I’m still trying, for fuck’s sake. I’m  _ trying _ to make this work again even though you make it so obvious that you want me to fuck off back to God knows where because no matter what I do, it’ll always end with you hating me.”

Jaemin’s chest heaves, his rant taking so much air out of him. Renjun stared up at him, not sure of what to say. “I just want to make you happy.” Jaemin frowns.

Renjun stands up, closer than he expects to be but at this point he doesn’t even give a fuck. He surges forward, pulling Jaemin’s face to his and kissing him. The kiss is longer than he meant for it to be, filled with more passion that intended and Renjun is pulling away faster than he leaned in. 

They break apart and stare in shocked silence.

“Shit,” Renjun speaks first, though it comes out as more of a whisper. “I-I’m sorry, fuck, I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have— I don’t even—  _ Fuck _ !” Renjun pulls his jumper over his head and fusses with his jacket, trying to pull up the zipper with trembling hands and grabs his dance bag.  _ Stupid, World’s Biggest Fucking Idiot _ , Renjun thinks that should be his first ever tattoo right in the middle of his forehead because anywhere else would just be wrong.

Renjun is about to leave, he’s pulling the door open then Jaemin’s hand encases his wrist and turns him around and before he knows it, he’s kissing Jaemin again.

* * *

Renjun hasn’t talked to Jaemin since the kiss…  _ kisses _ . All he had done was unblock Jaemin’s phone number and sent a text that read, ‘ _ talk tomorrow _ ’ before falling asleep that night. They didn’t talk the next day because Renjun took refuge in his dorm, trying oh so desperately to not run into him because even though he demanded they would talk about  _ It _ , Renjun almost shit himself just thinking about it.

He lies awake in bed that night because he can’t stop thinking about them talking but then he remembers that Yangyang is in Jaemin’s room with him so he walks over. Usually Renjun would have some kind of plan before just barging in but he’s tired and wants to see Jaemin so he opens the door and the room goes quiet.

“U-uh, I need your  _ féizào _ ,” Renjun slips into Chinese but he doesn’t really care. At least Jaemin won’t hear how stupid he sounds asking for something as trivial as soap. Yangyang’s head tilts in confusion. “Oh, hey Renjun,” He greets but in Korean. Renjun bits his lip, glancing around the room. He recognises Hei from the one other time he was here and then he sees a lump on the other bed. It shoots up when Yangyang says Renjun’s name. “It’s on the top shelf of my closet.” Yangyang continues.

Jaemin smiles at Renjun, sitting up in bed. “It’s tomorrow,” He comments. Yangyang, Hei and the other two guys in the room that Renjun recognises from last time look at Jaemin, clearly out of the loop. Renjun just nods, stuffing his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. “Yeah,” Renjun mutters. In a matter of seconds Jaemin is up from the bed and approaching Renjun. He turns and walks out the door, almost slamming into it like a complete dumbass. Jaemin closes it behind him when they both get into the hallway. “So… You want to talk?”

Renjun nods, tugging Jaemin’s arm. “Let’s go back to my room,” He suggests and Jaemin’s smile grows. “Whoa, shouldn’t this happen on the third date—” “Shut the  _ fuck _ up, don’t ruin it,” Renjun snickers as they enter his dorm. Jaemin closes the door behind himself, pulling Renjun into him.

Jaemin takes Renjun’s hands, rubbing circles into them with his thumb. He seems tired, Renjun notes. His eyes are kind of drooping from drowsiness and his hair is disheveled. He’s wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt from his previous university and shorts that are hanging dangerously low so Renjun looks back up at him, not wanting to think about  _ that _ right now when there are more pressing matters like Jaemin leaning in to kiss him.

It’s a soft kiss, nothing special. It’s sweet, a kiss like one at the end of a Netflix romcom after the main characters finally get together and seal the deal. “Came over just to see me?” Jaemin mutters against Renjun’s lips, his own curving into a smile. Renjun pulls away a little. “I needed something from Yangyang,” He settles on saying before leaning in to kiss Jaemin again. “Have to take a shower,” He comments.

Jaemin giggles. “We can do that.” Renjun snorts. “Who’s  _ we _ ? Are you high?” He asks, sniffing Jaemin’s shirt as the taller pulls him impossibly closer. “‘Lil bit,” Jaemin nods, making circles with the tips of his fingers on Renjun’s lower back. He shivers from the light touch but he doesn’t mind it. 

Renjun lets his head rest on Jaemin’s chest for a moment, listening to his heartbeat and letting the strong scent of ivory and weed (though Renjun is a little annoyed about the weed smell). “I gotta shower,” Renjun whispers so as not to disturb the peaceful mood. Jaemin whines, “ _ No _ ~ Please.”

Renjun pries Jaemin’s arms off of him. “C’mon, you need to sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll talk more, promise.”

“You said that  _ yesterday _ .” Jaemin pouts. Renjun sighs. This man will be the death of him. “Tomorrow.” Renjun repeats, practically pushing Jaemin into the hallway. Jaemin just nods and when he’s completely out of the doorway, Renjun shuts the door in his face with a sigh. 

He prepares himself for a shower and when he walks in the bathroom he finds Jaemin there. “Jaem,” Renjun gives Jaemin an annoyed look, walking past him and setting his things on the shower shelf. Jaemin follows him inside, closing the curtain behind them. Renjun purses his lips.

“Sorry, honey. Wasn’t done talking,” Jaemin steps closer and Renjun takes a step back. He knows where this is going and at any other time, he most definitely wouldn’t mind but they are both in the shower and there are many ways this can end, both disgusting yet also kind of hot. “Fine, I’ll talk then,” Renjun responds, holding his hands up to stop Jaemin from pulling him in.

“With all this recital shit going on, dating is just… something I don’t want to explore again. At least not right now, so like, when it’s over… Maybe we could… Try this again.”

When Jaemin doesn’t respond, Renjun looks up to find him checking him out. Renjun blushes under his gaze because what the hell else is he supposed to do? “What?” He mutters, “My eyes are up  _ here _ , Jaemin.”

Jaemin chuckles. “You’re unbelievable, Injun. I lost you once and I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

Renjun kisses him, longer this time. When he pulls away, Jaemin rests his forehead on Renjun’s. “This is okay?” He asks.  _ There’s nothing more sexy that consent _ , Renjun thinks offhandedly and he nods in response to Jaemin’s question. “Yeah,” He’s a little breathless. “For now, how about we ignore the holding hands and dates and just… do the kissing and some other stuff?”

Jaemin smirks when Renjun says ‘some other stuff’. “Does this mean you’ll give me a blowjob?”

Renjun scoffs, pushing Jaemin off of him. “I can’t believe you,” He laughs. “This is supposed to be  _ serious _ !” “I’m one hundred percent serious!” Jaemin laughs, grabbing for Renjun’s waist again. They lock their lips again but only for a short moment before the bathroom door is being slammed open and the sound of the floor’s RA fills the bathroom. “Fucking freshmen,” He grumbles. Before Renjun can think of what to do to get out the awkward as fuck situation, Jaemin is hauling Renjun into his arms. Renjun crosses his ankles around Jaemin’s waist and holding onto his shoulders.

“Jaemin, I swear to God—” Renjun mouths as Jaemin steps into the shower and reaches for the handle. Jaemin just smiles apologetically and the water falls, encasing both of them.

It’s a smart idea and it works because Jaemin’s legs are the only ones visible but it doesn’t look weird since he’s wearing shorts. Renjun thinks that if this was happening in another way it’d be perceived as some kind of opportunity to have crazy shower sex but he’s in sweatpants and they’re soaking and dripping heavily onto him. Only in this moment does he realise how fucking tired he is and he’s grateful that Jaemin is holding him but he still has to expend some energy to keep himself up and awake, as well.

They wait in an awkward silence for Ten, the RA, to leave. He’s bitching on the phone about someone who threw up in the bathroom sink down the hall and another person who tried to flush an empty JUUL box down the toilet. 

Renjun jumps out of Jaemin’s embrace once Ten leaves. “Sorry. If Ten saw this, he’d have to report it to Residence Life and I already have too many infractions.” Renjun rolls his eyes. As expected. “So…” Jaemin drags the ‘o’ out. “D’you still wanna--”

“No.” Renjun deadpans, crossing his arms over his chest. Jaemin sabotaged his shower and now Renjun is just  _ tired _ and wants to sleep for twenty hours. “Last chance?” Jaemin quips, opening the shower curtain so that Renjun could exit.

“You can ask literally anyone else on this floor and I would not give a shit,” Renjun chuckles as he passes by.

“Seriously? You wouldn’t care?” Jaemin asks, honestly but there’s an underlying tone of disbelief. Renjun bites his bottom lip. Well, why should he care? It’s not like they’re dating, this whole agreement was to  _ avoid _ the label of boyfriends. If Jaemin wants to have sex with someone that’s not him, then Renjun won’t mind. Or at least  _ try _ not to mind.

Renjun answers after a beat of silence and contemplation. “Yes,” He nods. “Our agreement doesn’t… shouldn’t have to stop you from doing other… things with other people.”

“Okay.” Jaemin answers. It’s weird for him to not have anything more to say on the matter. “Just, uh… only once.” Renjun adds on, hesitantly. “Yeah, ‘course.” Jaemin agrees. “Totally. And no kissing. Other people.”

“Well, I wasn’t really planning on it—” “For real,” Jaemin interrupts him. His tone of voice reveals how serious he is. Renjun nods. “No kissing other people. Now can we please leave because these are my only sweatpants and I’m fucking freezing standing here.”

“Right,” Jaemin laughs and they retreat to Renjun’s dorm before anyone can see them. Jaemin offers Renjun a pair of his own sweatpants and promises to put their wet clothes in a dryer, justifying staying up with the fact that he has some assignments to finish. Renjun frowns and wants to detest Jaemin staying up any longer but Renjun knows he’s stubborn and it would be futile. 

Renjun tries to ignore the fact that Jaemin is staring at him as he changes into his sweatpants, which are fucking huge and don’t fit until Renjun rolls them three times over. Jaemin drops their wet clothes onto the floor, moving towards Renjun. The articles of clothing fall with a disgusting squelch that makes Renjun shudder but he doesn’t have time to reprimand Jaemin for it.

“One more,” He mutters, pulling Renjun into his embrace and Renjun happily obliges, quickly forgetting about the clothes on the floor. He doesn’t even care that the doorknob is digging uncomfortably into his back at the moment because this is bliss, kissing Jaemin languidly without a care in the world, longer than he intended to. It was supposed to be a small peck but they only pull away after hearing a loud thump and a faint ‘ _ ow, fuck _ ’ outside the door. It’s followed by a ‘ _ leave them alone, Jisung _ ’ that’s one hundred percent from Yangyang. Renjun can only assume it’s Jaemin’s roommate and his other two friends.

Jaemin pulls away, resting his forehead on Renjun’s to say, “I will actually murder them.”

Renjun laughs, “Just kiss me.”

And so, Jaemin does.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter?? maybe two??? :-)


	3. Chapter 3

Days passed and Renjun only saw Jaemin at rehearsal and classes. He didn’t mind because even he needed breaks from Jaemin sometimes. Renjun was tossing and turning in his bed, unable to sleep because his brain kept feeding him unlikely scenarios one after the other.

The clock on Yangyang’s desk read that it was almost fifteen past eleven at night. Renjun tried to go to sleep an hour before just because he’d have to wake up at eight to do his morning routine before rehearsal but God just said “_ fuck Renjun lives _” tonight. Yangyang had left, to go where Renjun never knows, and he’d left the door cracked halfway open.

“Jaeminnie~” An unrecognizable voice floated through the hallway. Renjun almost shot up in his bed at the sound. Jaemin’s deep chuckle seeped into the room, “Shhh,” He hushed the girl. Renjun scrunched his nose. He knew their agreement allowed these kinds of things however Renjun couldn’t help but be annoyed. Couldn’t Jaemin have chosen someone who didn’t sound more annoying than the Annoying Orange?

Renjun waits until he sees their silhouettes pass in the hallway to close the door a little more, quietly. He sat back down, staring at Yangyang’s bed. There was another room between his and Jaemin’s room but Yangyang’s bed was closer to the connecting wall. Renjun pursued his lips. Yangyang wouldn’t mind if Renjun just… sat on his bed? _ He would never even notice! _Renjun reasoned with himself, climbing onto his roommate’s bed and pressing his ear against the wall, straining to hear what was going on two rooms over. 

Renjun snorts into his hand. His own bedroom door isn’t closed all the way but if he could hear this clearly with a whole room between them, he can’t even begin to imagine what the rest of the floor is hearing. It gets boring after the first minute or so. Renjun realizes that this is most definitely creep behavior so he tiptoes back to his bed and scrolls through his phone for the next few moments.

From the crack of his door, Renjun sees the girl pass down the hallway. He waits until he’s completely sure she’s gone and slips into the corridor himself, heading to Jaemin’s room. He assumes that Jaemin sexiled his roommates otherwise this would’ve been awkward. “Sounded like you had a good time,” He comments, scaring Jaemin out of his skin.

Jaemin rushes to close the door behind Renjun, putting a hand over his heart. “Christ, Renjun, _ don’t _do that, bitch.”

Renjun watches Jaemin slip his t-shirt back on. “You _ heard _?” 

Renjun snickers. “It wasn't exactly quiet,” He muses. “_Oh, fuck me, Jaemin_~” Renjun mocks, laughter pouring into his bad imitation. Jaemin rolls his eyes with a smile. “Maybe in about ten minutes?”

Jaemin moves to avoid Renjun’s attempt at hitting his arm, making grabby hands towards him. “Fucking gross,” Renjun mutters. “You’re not going to shower after that mess?”

Jaemin shakes his head _ ‘no’ _. “Wasn’t that good. Besides, I barely did any work!” Renjun leans back to avoid the incoming kiss from Jaemin but the younger manages to leave a peck on the corner of his mouth. “Yuck! You have girl-breath,” Renjun grimaces, jokingly.

“I didn’t kiss her!” Jaemin protests, reminding Renjun of their compromise. It makes his heart stutter. “Oh. So that’s just your regular breath then,” he quips. Jaemin groans and Renjun giggles, as Jaemin pulls him onto the bed. “So not funny. Why are you awake, though? Thought you were going to sleep, and I quote, _ ‘super fucking early’ _ tonight?” 

Renjun sits in front of Jaemin, in between his legs, giving a shrug. “Couldn’t fall asleep after that shitshow,” He answers, somewhat honestly. “Oh,” Jaemin swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing. “You could sleep here tonight? Only if you want, though.” Renjun doesn’t think he’s heard Jaemin sound this nervous in his entire ten years of knowing him.

Thinking about answering, Renjun knows that he should say no. His routine is something that shouldn’t be messed with and these dorm beds are small as fuck. They can barely fit Jaemin’s roommate. How could it possibly fit two people? Instead, Renjun lets his silence answer for him. Jaemin pulls Renjun on top of him, tangling their legs together underneath the comforter. With a small lift of his head, Renjun could look up and see Jaemin’s resting face, after he turned the light off.

Renjun turns his face into Jaemin’s neck, watching his skin get goosebumps from his small breaths. “_ Please _don’t make me get up as early as you do tomorrow,” Jaemin complains, tightening his arms around Renjun’s waist. Renjun chuckles, humming. “If I knew you’d be whining so much, I’d have brought some cheese.”

Jaemin responds with a snort mixed with a yawn. “You should’ve been asleep ages ago,” He whispers. Renjun nods against his chest. “Yeah.”

And Jaemin is right. But how can he sleep when Jaemin is right here? Even in the dark, he looks beautiful. Renjun stares, traces Jaemin’s face with his eyes. The slight frown on his cracked lips (Renjun needs to gift him some chapstick), his messy hair that’s returning to black at the roots. He can’t fall asleep because he’s too excited about being able to wake up with Jaemin next to him.

“Junnie,” Jaemin mumbles. Renjun’s eyes widen, his heart stuttering from Jaemin’s groggy voice. It’s embarrassing to be caught watching someone while they sleep. “Go to sleep,” He kisses the crown of Renjun’s head, running his fingers across his scalp. He slows down as sleep falls over him again. 

Renjun places his head on Jaemin’s chest, trying to focus on the steady beating of his heart and fall asleep himself.

Renjun leaves Jaemin’s room early the next morning and gets to rehearsal before him. He laughs when Jaemin walks into the studio. “What, did you get those clown shoes from the Club Penguin Clothes Shop?” He jokes.

Jaemin looks at his shoes then back to Renjun with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. “You know what they say about big feet,” He winks. “What size are your shoes, Twinkle Toes?” Renjun gasps, feigning offence (but there is a little bit. Renjun is insecure about how tiny he is sometimes). “Big enough for me to kick your ass,” Renjun retorts, kicking the back of Jaemin’s knee, causing him to lose balance. 

Everyone around them snickers. “Shouldn’t you be nicer to him?” Dayun comments, staring Renjun down. “He’s going to think we don’t like him or something.” Next to him, Hyunjin coughs to mask a laugh. “Spot on, Dayun. That’s what we need him to think.”

At the barre, Chaewon joins the conversation. “What’d he do to you anyway?”

Renjun hums. There are many ways he can answer this: with the true, full story of how they know each other way before now or with a joke to further keep up appearances. He’d rather not tell the true story, at least not to anyone that isn’t Hyunjin so he makes a joke.

“Nothin’,” Renjun shrugs. “I just think he’s fucking annoying,” He lies. Hyunjin glances at him as she stretches her legs, neutral expression on her face. He commends her internally for not breaking her promise. She’s the only one he trusted to tell about them hooking up (he was going crazy not having anyone to tell about it besides Mark, Donghyuck and Jeno).

“Well, I think you should be nicer,” Dayun says, turning away. Quite frankly, he doesn’t care what Dayun thinks. “Maybe go to a party and find a girlfriend or something.” Renjun shares an irritated look with Chaewon and Hyunjin. 

Chaewon sighs, “Sorry.” Renjun waves it away. It’s not Chaewon’s fault that Dayun is this way. “She just has a fatass crush on him and now it’s getting too annoying to handle.”

Renjun’s jaw almost drops in surprise. He wants to laugh but he can’t. “She has a crush on Jaemin?”

Chaewon nods. Renjun and Hyunjin share a chuckle. “I’ve got no idea why.”

Later that night, Renjun hangs out in Jaemin’s dorm, trying to get a paper done for his Sociology class. He hates it and would rather be doing literally anything else but he needs to churn out forty more words to be over the word count before he can send it in.

He and Jaemin are discussing anything and everything from Dayun’s super obvious crush on Jaemin that he hasn’t noticed for some reason to something Jaemin has to memorize for an animal anatomy test when his roommate walks in with a friend that frequents the room often.

Jaemin nods up to him as a greeting and Renjun waves. He still doesn’t know any of their names. “What are y’all doing in like fifteen minutes?” The one with lilac hair asks. Renjun shrugs, “Sleeping, most likely.” Jaemin simply responds with, “What I always do” which is vague but Renjun isn’t really sure he wants to know what that entails, regardless of whether or not that means he’s present.

“Okay,” Hei, the only one Renjun recognises, though he’s sure that’s not actually his name, speaks up. “There’s a party at Sig Nu.” He rummages through his drawer, taking out a vacuum sealed bag. “For some charity and other stuff.” The lilac haired one responds, catching the bag Hei tossed to him.

Renjun looks at Jaemin, “Get drunk for a cause? Seems valid.” Jaemin chuckles. “I’ll keep it in the back of my mind, Sungie.”

His friends leave and Renjun turns to Jaemin again, his hands snake around his waist. “We’re not going, right?” Jaemin smiles, “Yeah, probably not.”

Renjun turns back to his paper, saving the document knowing he’s not going to get any work done if Jaemin is distracting him. That seems to be something he’s always been really good at, among other things. “What, Jaemin?” Renjun asks, annoyance in his tone of voice though he’s glad he’s not focusing on his essay anymore.

“‘M bored,” He mutters, nuzzling into Renjun’s neck, pressing feathery kisses there. Renjun swallows. “What d’you want to do?” He asks, breath hitching as Jaemin leaves a hickey under his ear. Jaemin shrugs and Renjun just sighs, resigning to the fact that Jaemin won’t give an answer and will just continue to do this until Renjun gives in. He turns around, settling himself in Jaemin’s lap after moving his laptop to a more secure place and kissed him gently. 

It starts slow until Jaemin begins licking into Renjun’s mouth. He pulls away when it feels wrong and Jaemin whines, chasing after him. “Did you just put your gum in my mouth?” Renjun asks, incredulously. It’s kind of gross but maybe he kind of liked it (not that he would admit it).

“Yeah,” Jaemin murmurs, fighting a smile. “How do I deal with you sober,” Renjun groans. Jaemin laughs. “I mean… we could go to that party Yukhei told us about.”

Renjun looks at the clock. _ 22:57 _. He thinks about it for a moment and the conversation he had with Dayun and Chaewon enters his mind before he’s jumping up from Jaemin’s bed. “Let’s go.”

Jaemin stares up at him. “Seriously? You’re not going to say you should be sleeping because you’ve got rehearsal tomorrow?” Renjun admits that he most definitely should be saying that and that it was at the back of his mind but _ pas de deux _ kicked his ass in the worst way possible today and now he kind of just wants to have some fun. 

“Seriously.”

The party was everything Renjun assumed it would be. Blasting music, barely enough space to walk, sticky floors as people spilled beer while dancing, the entire room reeking of sweat. He scrunched his nose, grabbing onto Jaemin’s hand so they didn’t get separated in the crowd. He followed wherever Jaemin went, since he frequented parties way more often than he did. To be honest, this was Renjun’s second college party. His first one, last year, was a complete shitshow. He shivers just thinking about it.

“Here,” Jaemin hands him a red cup with some kind of pink liquid inside. Renjun raises an eyebrow in suspicion but when he sees Jaemin throw it back himself, he takes a sip. Renjun doesn’t like drinking, knows he has a low alcohol tolerance so he grimaces when the liquid burns as it goes down his throat. Jaemin smiles at him behind his own cup, cozying up to his side to tell him that everyone is upstairs.

The room they go to is also exactly what Renjun assumed a frat bedroom would look like: skateboards mounted on the wall with some posters, a little bit messy. Yukhei, Jisung and some others were in a circle on the floor passing a joint. Jaemin sat down, Renjun taking the spot next to him. When the joint gets to Jaemin, he takes a drag, skipping Renjun and giving it to the person next to him.

“You skipped Renjun,” Jisung points out. Jaemin waves his hand. “He’s already drunk, don’t need him to get crossed.” Renjun’s head snaps up, his late reaction due to the alcohol. Jaemin isn’t wrong because now he’s on this third cup whatever the hell he’d been drinking. “What if I wanted to get crossed?” He argues. Jaemin chuckles. “Not the night before a rehearsal.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Fuck rehearsal,” He mutters, leaning his head on Jaemin’s shoulder. If this is what a frat party is, sitting in someone’s bedroom passing around a joint for thirty minutes until everyone is high out of their minds then Renjun thinks it’s boring. He looks over to Jaemin, laughing at something Yukhei said. The conversation changes quickly enough that Renjun can never keep up and ends up not contributing to the conversation but he knows that every time Jaemin says something his heart beats faster. He’s so in love with this boy, it’s embarrassing.

“God, I wanna marry you someday,” He whispers. Jaemin turns to him, eyes widened in shock. Renjun pouts. “You’re supposed to say me too, Jaem.” Jaemin nods, a fond smile on his face. “Me too, honey.” He stands after a moment, stretching his legs. “Let’s go.” Renjun lets himself get pulled up, “Go where?”

“Going home, c’mon.”

  
  
Renjun sits on Jaemin’s bed, watching him strip from the party clothes he was in and changing into pyjamas. When Jaemin approaches he hooks his arms around Jaemin’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. Jaemin laughs, “You’re so drunk right now.”

“Don’t care,” Renjun responds against his lips, pulling him closer. It was a sloppy kiss, their teeth knocking against each other that ended with a whine from Renjun. “C’mere,” Jaemin places Renjun in his lap.

They sat in silence for a moment, chests heaving from before. Jaemin’s lips are red and slick with spit, his hair is messy now and the tattoos that adorn his chest and arms make Renjun’s heart stutter. Renjun knows he looks just as disheveled, a light pink dusting his cheeks from all the drinks he had. “You’re so beautiful,” Jaemin murmurs, brushing his lips over Renjun’s, moving to his neck. He leaves chaste kisses in his wake, biting and licking over the bruises he leaves on Renjun’s collarbone. 

Renjun lets out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a moan, “Nana—”

He feels Jaemin smile against his skin. “Hmm? Was that a nickname?” He teases, squeezing Renjun’s thighs. Renjun jumps, hitting Jaemin’s arm. “Nuh-uh. Just kiss me.”

“You’re so demanding when you’re drunk. Is this why you never went to parties in high school?” Jaemin asks against his lips. “Never went to parties ‘cause you were there,” Renjun responds, pushing Jaemin onto the bed, straddling him. 

“That’s the part where you _ lie to me _, honey.” Jaemin chuckles. 

“I could never lie to you, Jaemin.”

Renjun wakes up to the sun in his face and Jaemin underneath him. Jaemin greets him with a “morning”, drawing circles into his back. Renjun smiles, pressing a kiss to Jaemin’s neck before his heart momentarily stops. _ Wait… why is it so bright outside? _ “Jaemin… What time is it?”

Jaemin clicks his phone, “Ten thirty.”

Renjun doesn’t think he’s moved faster in his entire life. He’s so fucking lucky he had a pair of shorts and t-shirt in Jaemin’s room from _ pas de deux _ yesterday otherwise he’d be so royally screwed. “Injun… Renjun—” “I’m fucking _ late _, Jaemin!” Renjun interrupts him, throwing on his sneakers and rushing out the dorm with his dance bag, not even bringing a jacket despite the weather definitely calling for one. 

Bursting into the studio after changing into his dance shoes like he was running from a mad man, Renjun settled himself near the barre. It seemed like they were blocking as evident from the entirety of dance majors across the floor. Sicheng sighs, running a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Renjun… Where’s Jaemin?”

Renjun bites his lip. _ Fuck _ . “H-He should be… should be coming, sir.” Hyunjin gives him a look that Renjun doesn’t have the heart to decipher. Five minutes later Jaemin walks into the studio, looking less of a mess than Renjun. He’s grateful Jaemin has some sense but he knows that Sicheng knows about _ them _from the look he gave both of them. It’s not that hard to catch on, he just hopes no one else notices.

“No dancing, Renjun. Just block your combinations.” Sicheng comments. Renjun wants to protest, honestly maybe cry more than anything but the hardened look Sicheng gives him when he opens his mouth to argue is scary. “Yes, sir.” Renjun frowns. 

Hyunjin places a hand on his shoulder as she moves to her spot. Renjun thinks about what Sicheng said all those days ago: _ you’ve got to get it together, Renjun. The dance industry is ruthless on guys like you, kid. _

Renjun has to end this, for real.

After rehearsal, Renjun waits in the changing room for everyone to leave so he can talk to Jaemin. Hyunjin offers to wait for him in the lobby and he agrees. He feels bad for making her wait but he also knows that if he bottles this in it’ll be hell. 

Soon enough, everyone in the program clears out and the studio is empty, save for Jaemin who’s still sitting at the piano. Renjun sits next to him on the bench, staring at the keys. He thinks that if he looks at Jaemin, he might cry.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin apologises. Renjun shakes his head, “Don’t be.” It’s not Jaemin’s fault, really. Renjun knew he had rehearsal, Jaemin even reminded him more than once the entire night before they went to the party. There was no one to blame but himself.

The silence hurts but Renjun just doesn’t know what to say without it hurting the both of them. Jaemin, however, beats him to it. “So… I’m assuming this is over, right? We’re breaking up?”

Renjun frowns, glancing up at him. “I’m so sorry, Jaemin.” He doesn’t know what else to say. This whole thing was destined to go up in flames from the start. Renjun is just stupid for not having been able to see it before he vocalized the agreement.

Jaemin stands from the piano bench, sticking his hands in his pocket. “Don’t apologise, honey. Like you said, not a big deal. You know, though,” Jaemin continues, turning around to face Renjun, “I’m not even sure if this is like a breakup cause, like… was there ever anything to break up?” He chuckles, shaking his head.

_ Ouch _.

“Semantics,” Renjun settles on answering. Jaemin nods. “Okay, well… I guess I’ll see you around?” 

Renjun nods, mustering as much of a smile as he could. “Yeah.”

Jaemin leaves, the sound of the door closing echoing in his ears. Renjun doesn’t feel anything. Doesn’t feel Hyunjin’s hands rubbing up and down his arms in an attempt to calm him down, doesn’t feel the tears rolling down his cheeks as they fall from his eyes, doesn’t feel the way his throat closes up as he sobs into Hyunjin’s embrace. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Hyunjin tries to calm him down. “I-it’s not!” Renjun hiccups. “It’s always my fault! I couldn’t be e-enough for him in high school, Jini. How could I be enough for him now?”

Renjun knows he’s said too much but he doesn’t care. Hyunjin rakes her hand through his hair. “Listen,” She starts, “Go splash some water on your face and change out of your dance shoes. You need to talk about this.”

And Hyunjin is right. The only people who know about the agreement between him and Jaemin besides her are Mark, Jeno and Donghyuck. They’ve all been so incredibly busy that he hasn’t seen them in days but it’s also kind of Renjun’s fault for spending so much of his free time with Jaemin as of late.

They go back to Hyunjin’s dorm, her roommate having gone home for the weekend, luckily for Renjun. 

Hyunjin gives him a mug of hot chocolate she made from her Keurig, sitting next to him on her bed. “From the beginning,” She states, also grabbing the box of tissues on her bedside table. 

Renjun sighs. “Well… Jaemin and I have known each other since fourth grade.”

They met in elementary school. Jaemin was one of Renjun’s first friends. Donghyuck introduced them at his ninth birthday party along with Mark and Jeno. Ever since then they were an inseparable group of friends. 

In junior year, things changed. Puberty happened, extracurriculars made them all busy, especially Renjun and Donghyuck. They became more immersed with their dancing school, in successful attempts to get serious about it before senior year. Mark was already off in college, Jeno started going to Architecture classes in the city to complete a portfolio before college apps, and Jaemin began his volunteer work at the hospital his mother worked at to obtain hours for his college applications as well. 

Somehow, Renjun made time for dating. Renjun remembers the dates he and Jaemin went on early in the year. They never called them dates but they definitely were. The night of Nayeon’s Sweet Sixteen, Jaemin asked Renjun to be his boyfriend after a slow dance. Maybe not the most romantic thing but at the time, Renjun thought so. 

“We broke up in senior year, during the winter break.”Hyunjin hums in acknowledgement and Renjun takes it as a sign to continue. 

Renjun was going back to China for the break to celebrate his grandmother’s birthday on his mother’s side. It’d been so long since his family was last and they decided winter break was the most convenient time since they’d have a reason. 

By that time, Jaemin and Renjun were fighting more than they were being civil with each other. 

> _ “This is the third time you’ve cancelled on me after I’ve already arrived at our date.” Renjun frowns. _
> 
> _ “I’m sorry,” Jaemin apologises, over FaceTime. “The hospital is understaffed tonight and my mom dragged me over. There’s nothing I can do about it.” _
> 
> _ Renjun huffs. “You can say no every once in a while! It’s not that hard!” _
> 
> _ “Oh, just like you say no to last minute rehearsals, right?” Jaemin retorts with a scoff. _
> 
> _ “Don’t even go there—” _

Arguments like those happened almost everyday up until the day before school let out for the winter holidays. 

> _ “I think we should take a break.” _

Renjun says it first. 

> _ “Wh-Renjun, no. What the hell?” Every time Renjun tried to elaborate, Jaemin spoke over him. _
> 
> _ “Would you just listen to me! Please?” Renjun crosses his arms over his chest. Jaemin runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry… Continue.” _
> 
> _ “Maybe… maybe a little distance can be okay.” Jaemin stays silent, biting his cheek. After a moment, he nods. “Fine. Okay, yeah.” _

The next day Renjun leaves for China and everything turns to shit the next week.

He gets a call from Mark the night of his grandmother’s birthday gathering.

> _ “Renjun, are you alone right now?” Technically he’s not, but he finds an empty room in his grandparents house that seems quiet enough. He knows Mark wouldn’t call him if it wasn’t serious so Renjun’s heart is already beating out of his chest. _
> 
> _ “It’s about Jaemin.” And he swears his heart stops. _
> 
> _ Mark explains but Renjun doesn’t think he hears it. He hears everything about the party, the drinking, the girl and the making out but he doesn’t comprehend it, doesn’t let it sink in. His ears ring and his eyes sting and suddenly he’s hanging up the phone, running out of his grandparents' house, his family wondering what’s wrong but no one follows after him. _
> 
> _ He runs down the dark path he used to be scared of as a kid all the way to the field behind the house to get away from it all. He cries because he doesn’t understand. He thought taking a break would be good for them, that it could fix everything. Maybe he should have stayed and fought. Maybe he shouldn’t have dated Jaemin in the first place. _

“When I got back after the holidays, we had a huge fight and then our friends took sides and then the rest of my senior year was a huge mess. And now, here we are again. I guess history repeats itself.”

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything except, _ ‘wow _.’ Renjun chuckles, “Yeah… wow.” “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that,” She backtracks. “I think… I just think that you guys both need a better form of closure and whatever you both agreed on this time wasn’t it.”

Renjun scoffs. “Closure for what? We didn’t work out the first time. I don’t know what the hell possessed me to try a second time.”

“Everyone deserves second chances, Renjun. Jaemin just… He didn’t use his wisely.” Hyunjin tries to comfort him but Renjun shakes his head. “This time, it was all me, Hyunjin. I proposed that stupid agreement and that’s why we’re where we are right now. There’s no closure and no one to blame but myself.”

By this point, Renjun was already picking up his dance bag and putting his sneakers back on. “I just— I should probably go now, I have some homework to do.”

“Renjun—”

He puts his empty mug on her desk. “Thanks, Hyunjin, for listening. See you at _ pas de deux _.”

The last thing Renjun hears before he closes the door is a heavy sigh from Hyunjin. He leans on her door for a moment before beginning his trek back to his own dorm building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some exposition on renmin's past + they broke up again...
> 
> next chapter might Not be the last :0
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/dunkyushot)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theme song of this chapter is [falling](https://open.spotify.com/track/1ZMiCix7XSAbfAJlEZWMCp?si=UL8X3PtmTL-VMzEVWdpggA) by harry styles :]

When Renjun gets to pas de deux the week after _That_, he tries to put on his best resting bitch face so no one will come up and ask about him and Jaemin but the tactic proves to be of no avail.

Dayun finds herself in Renjun’s personal space while he’s stretching with Hyunjin across the floor. “So… Like… what happened to you guys?” She asks, as if they were closer than a smile if spotted off campus. To be honest, they probably weren’t even that close but  _ she _ might think they were, much to Renjun’s dismay.

“What do you care?” Renjun retorts. He’s upset, due to recent events and personal reasons that the entire program knows about. He doesn’t have the patience to be nice to her to keep up appearances. “Aren’t you lovers or something?”

Hyunjin snorts and it takes too much willpower for Renjun to not groan. “ _ No _ , we are not. He’s nothing but a degenerate.” He settles on answering. He wants to say that it doesn’t matter what they are…  _ were _ because Jaemin wouldn’t ever get with her but he’s not that mean.

Dayun inches closer, “But you were together? Before last week, I mean.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “What do you want, Dayun? Stop beating around the bush. If you want to know what happened, you can ask Jaemin. He’s literally sitting right in front of you.”

Dayun gives Renjun a side look. “You don’t have to be a dick about it. But… I was wondering if he could play a piece for me.” She glances at Jaemin with the most lovestruck look and it makes Renjun want to gag. He gets into a new stretch, looking up at her. “A piece for what?”

“ _ Port de Bras _ , you know, the student-regulated dance event.”

Renjun almost facepalms himself. Shit, how could he forget?  _ Port de Bras _ is a yearly tradition towards the end of the semester, where students in the Winter Program perform any routine that the seniors vote on. The routines are dance styles that don’t typically get recitals like hip hop and lyrical.

“So, can you ask him?” Dayun repeats, standing from her stretch. Renjun turns to Hyunjin. “He’s still right there,” Renjun settles on replying.

And with that piece of advice having been reiterated, Dayun huffs and marches over to Jaemin.

Renjun has half the mind to text Jaemin and give him a heads up, reminding him that Dayun is head over heels for him and that she’s also probably the worst person to work with in the entire program. He doesn’t get a text back, which Renjun should have been expecting but to say that it didn’t hurt when he doesn’t see Jaemin’s contact pop up as quickly as it used to, would be a complete lie.

  
  
  
  
  


A few days later, Renjun finds himself in the dining hall closest to the dance hall, shielding himself from what felt like millions of staring eyes. He feels like he’s been teleported into that one High School Musical scene before the cast bursts into  _ Stick to the Status Quo _ . “ _ Why  _ is everyone looking at me?” He hisses, stabbing at his food. Hyunjin smirks, glancing around. “Well,” She starts, tapping a finger on her chin.

“You started the year like an uptight, freshman with a stick up your ass.  _ Then _ , you got a  _ dick _ up your ass from--”

Renjun groans to interrupt her and Hyunjin falls into a fit of giggles. “ _ C’mon _ , Renjun. You got laid by Na Jaemin! Campus hottie and exclusively your ex. But only we know that,” She winks. “Ever since he transferred, it seemed the only emotion you could have towards him was disgust and hatred. Of course everyone is eating up the gossip. Everyone in the dance major anyway.”

Renjun doesn’t know what to say to that so he stuffs his food in his mouth, chewing it angrily. The silence lingers but not for long. “So… was he good?” Hyunjin whispers, covering her face with an anatomy textbook.

Renjun’s head shoots up. “What?”

“You know, when you guys had sex. Was it good?” He can see her smile, despite the textbook. Renjun frowns. “What’s it to you?” He asks, defensively, pushing around the food in his tupperware.

Hyunjin shrugs. “Just wondered if it was anything to brag about.”

“Sex with Jaemin?” Renjun muses.

“And guys in general. Besides, you know everyone’s thought about how good Jaemin is in bed if they haven’t been blessed with the chance of getting with him.” Hyunjin admits shamelessly, putting down her textbook and flipping through it. “He’s just one of those guys, you know?” (Renjun does  _ not  _ know). 

She looks up at him for a second, a teasing smile quirking her lips. “I mean… We saw the way you were walking.”

An intense wave of embarrassment washes over Renjun and he knows his face is incredibly red. He lets his head fall against the table, “Shut the  _ fuck  _ up, Hyunjin,” He whines, kicking her lightly under the table.

When Hyunjin’s laughs subside, he lets up again, staring down at his own work. If they were still on good terms, Renjun would probably be eating with him right now. Jaemin would be having a very healthy meal because he’s crazy about health and would try to coerce Renjun into eating the same. He does most of the time, but Renjun has a cheat day every once in a while.

“You’ve got it  _ bad _ , Renjun,” Hyunjin muses. Renjun turns to her and she’s got a weird look on her face that Renjun doesn’t want to decipher.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at her deduction and shakes his head in response, “Do not.” 

“Totally do. You’re sad, and that’s definitely a moping face.” Hyunjin comments, her tone not looking for any argument but Renjun wants to prove her wrong and yet, no words come to his mouth.

Hyunjin sighs, flipping a page in her textbook. “He’s finished with Showcase and Solo rehearsals now, you know. Last one was… the last. Taeil and company are coming back on Friday for those.”

Renjun frowns, unconsciously. 

“Your sad face is back. He’ll still be at  _ pas de deux _ ,” Hyunjin points out, popping a strawberry in her mouth. Renjun huffs. “I don’t care.”

He wishes he believed himself.

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun seems to be having bad days one after the other, he comes to realise, another time in rehearsal. He’s arrived super early, needing to practice some things with Hyunjin with no one around. They’re in the practice room with Chaewon, Donghyuck, and Ryujin had just walked in, settling herself by the mirrored barre.

“Hey, Renjun,” She beckons him over. “Can you help me stretch?”

Renjun agrees. He usually only stretches with Hyunjin but Ryujin has been nothing but nice to him so he doesn’t necessarily see why he couldn’t help her out.

She smiles as he walks over. “I’ve been trying to get my legs behind my head but--” Chaewon hits Ryujin upside the head and doubles over into laughter, Chaewon soon joining in.

Renjun just stands there, not really sure what else to do but he’s certainly not laughing with them in their childish joke. “That’s not funny.” He deadpans. When Chaewon and Ryujin finally see his reaction, their laughter subsides.

“I was just joking, Renjun.” Her giggles fade away awkwardly. “I know a lot of people that would pay so much to get fucked up like that, you know? Well, actually some people  _ do _ end up paying--” She began to rant and Renjun didn’t know what to make of it besides ignore it.

He went back to his spot near Hyunjin, ignoring the way the rest of the people in the room were staring at him. It seems to be all the people in his class ever do these days.

“She was just joking around,” Chaewon repeats. Renjun avoids her gaze. “I know, it just wasn’t funny to me.”

Chaewon sits in front of him, joining his stretch. Their feet are touching each other and she holds her hands out. Reluctantly, he grabs onto them, pulling her towards him. “Renjun,” She starts in something just below a whisper, when she’s in his general area, making sure only they hear. “Everyone has sex, so why are you making such a big deal out of this? It’s funny sometimes, it happens to people. You know?”

Renjun sighs. Chaewon has also been nothing but nice to him. She looks like a textbook example of a ballerina: perfect, thick blonde hair wrapped into the perfect bun, no bobby pin in sight (though he knows there are many discreetly placed and held with much hairspray). Her pointe shoes tied up the way they should be and her practice outfit prim and spotless, a beautiful nudish pink. She smiles apologetically and Renjun knows she’s genuine. He almost wants to tell her the full story he told Hyunjin weeks ago.

“I just don’t want people to know me as  _ that guy _ , okay?” He settles on answering when she pulls him to her side.

Her smile doesn’t let up. “It’s not all you’re known for, or  _ will be _ known for. This isn’t going to be your legacy or anything. We’re just trying to have some fun in an intensely stressful major.”

Renjun supposes she’s right. “We’re all going through the same shit, Renjun. We’re supposed to be  _ friends _ .” She squeezes his hands in reassurement as they switch. “Friends joke because no one cares that  _ that _ happened.”

Everyone else might not care, Renjun thinks. But  _ he  _ cares and isn’t that all that matters?

  
  
  
  
  


And just when Renjun thinks it can’t get any worse, the absolute worst happens two nights later.

He’s rolling out his thighs while reading an article for one of his Environmental Science minor classes, barely listening to Yangyang having a conversation with that lilac haired kid.

“Think I can finish this paper tomorrow night instead of right now?” He asks, hanging upside down off the edge of Yangyang’s bed.   
  
“Isn’t it due Friday?” Yangyang asks, glancing down at him. It sounds like he’s writing his own essay, or something of the sort, with the way he’s been typing like a maniac on his laptop for the past thirty minutes.

Contrastly, Jisung has been scrolling through TikTok, never laughing as he swipes to a new one. “Yeah.”

Yangyang hums in acknowledgement, then promptly responds with a no. At that answer, Jisung sits up. “Okay, wait, let me repeat myself.” He seems very dead set on what kind of answer he actually wanted. “I’m not asking if you think I  _ should _ do it tomorrow night, I’m just asking if you think I could do it better  _ tomorrow _ rather than right no--”

A slam of someone’s door interrupts Jisung’s hypothesis and it causes them to peek their heads outside the dorm. Yukhei is standing outside, banging on his own dorm door. “You need to stop being so fucking stupid, Na Jaemin!” He’s shouting and soon the whole floor is eavesdropping on whatever fight they’re having.

Yukhei unlocks the door and it fully opens when Yangyang and Renjun walk over and inside it seems like a storm passed by. There’s a complete mess, whether it’s Yukhei- or Jaemin-induced, no one knows. 

“Fuck off, Lucas,” Jaemin flips him off, grabbing things from around the room. Jaemin doesn’t even live in this dorm hall, so it must be some things he’d leave when he slept over occasionally. “You don’t know the first thing about me.” He mutters, though it’s loud enough for the three boys to hear.

Jaemin is stuffing things into his backpack and his arms in a frenzy. “What the hell are you doing, Jaemin?” Yangyang steps up, an uncharacteristically upset expression etched into his face. “This shit again?”

_ Again? _ Renjun thinks to himself. He’s standing just inside the doorway, his back leaning right next to the light switch. He doesn’t really know what to do, knowing this isn’t necessarily a situation he can be helpful in.

“Don’t even start with that bullshit, Yangyang.” The upset expression on Yangyang’s face quickly turns to one of anger. “You fucking  _ promised _ , Jaemin! You told me--”

Jaemin laughs and it’s a chilling noise, one that used to make Renjun’s heart swell now sends him shivering even though the room is warm. “I hate to break it to you this way, Yangyang, but would you be so surprised if I said that I’d crossed my fingers behind my back?”

“This is fucking stupid.” Jisung appears in the doorway. “What the hell is he doing?” He asks Renjun but he hasn’t got a clue. “I-I don’t know,” He stutters, feeling scared. “Jaemin is packing things?”

Jisung sighs, “Fuck. He wants to transfer again.”

“Again? What, why?” Renjun asks but Jisung just sighs again, shaking his head. “Auntie is on his fucking dick again, begging him to go back and do pre-med again. But we aren’t sure if his credits would roll over and then he’d have to start at the beginning. Like freshman courses.”

“But, didn’t they--” Renjun tries to get more information but Jisung glances between Renjun and Jaemin. Jaemin, Yukhei and Yangyang are having a screaming match that definitely garners Jisung’s full attention.

Jaemin sees Jisung step in and it seems like that’s the last straw. His eyes narrow at the younger, “Don’t. Don’t  _ you _ start, okay?” Renjun can’t help but notice how Jaemin’s voice softens when he talks to him, compared to the angry tones he used with Yangyang and Yukhei. “I’m going back.”

“No, you’re not, Jaemin hyung. Call the admissions office.” Jisung begs, walking over to Jaemin. He’s holding his hand out for his phone. “I’ll tell them to withdraw the application--”

“Stop! Everyone just  _ fucking stop _ !” Jaemin yells and the room goes completely silent, as if a pin could drop and the entire world would hear it.

Jaemin’s gaze falls on Renjun and he snorts, but there’s nothing funny. Renjun steps out into the hall. “You are the last person I want to see right now,  _ honey _ .” A word of affection that was once said with all the love in the world has turned icy and cold. It stabs at Renjun’s heart and he doesn’t know what prompted this change in Jaemin.

Renjun furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “What did I do?” His voice comes out small, embarrassingly so. “ _ Nothing _ ! That’s exactly what you fucking--” Jaemin interrupts himself, a frustrated groan coming from his throat. 

“Get the  _ fuck _ out of my face, Huang.” He steps closer to Renjun with every word. Yukhei is in front of him, like a wall of protection for Renjun in case Jaemin does something he might regret. “Mind your fucking business.” Jaemin finishes. Renjun half expects him to deck him in the face or something too, just for good measure or some shit.

Renjun gapes at him. There’s so much he could say right now: This  _ is  _ his fucking business, everything about Jaemin, everything he does--  _ Jaemin _ is his business but he comes to a realization as tries to find something- anything to say. 

Jaemin doesn’t give a shit about him and he probably never did. He just saw him here after transferring, remembered what they used to have and took advantage of it. But Jaemin didn’t have to be such an asshole in front of his friends and Renjun’s own roommate about whatever breakdown he’s having. Renjun didn’t want to point out that Jaemin was being so weird, pretending that they weren’t friends, weren’t more than friends, regardless of whether or not it was for a second. 

When too much silence passes by, Jaemin reaches past Yukhei and slams the door shut.

  
  
  
  
  


Two days later Renjun is walking to Jeno and Donghyuck’s dorm to hang out, trying to do anything and everything to get his mind off recent events after filling them into what happened. Mark is supposedly there already, Hyunjin and Yangyang are there as well, surprisingly. Renjun and Yangyang haven’t been the closest, despite being roommates for two years, but everything that’s happened has brought them closer. Renjun is thankful for his friends (new and old), that they stay by his side even when he’s being an absolute idiot.

He’s got his AirPods in and he’s listening to the recital playlist and runs combinations in his head while making sure his family know what hotel they booked for when they come to see the recital. He’s excited but his mood is ruined with what he sees as he walks to his friends’ dorm. 

Jaemin is outside someone’s room, making out with some girl, a little grossly might Renjun add. And he hates that he saw it because he’s  _ so  _ close to Donghyuck’s door, so close to knocking and being greeted with good and happy energy but the excitement that was bubbling gets drained from him so quickly that when the door opens, his best friend automatically notices his sour mood.

“Oh, Junnie, what’s wrong?” He pulls him inside and closes the door, embracing him in a tight hug. Renjun doesn’t want to answer. It hurts but for some reason he can’t feel angry anymore. He just wants to curl up in a ball and cry in his bed but Renjun is better than that. He’s not going to cry over a stupid boy.

Renjun shakes his head and lets himself be guided to Jeno’s bed and sinks down into the mattress (which is definitely more comfortable than it should be due to Jeno’s mattress topper). “Jaem isn’t transferring,” Yangyang mentions. Renjun knew they were going to talk about it but he didn’t think it’d be  _ this  _ early into their hangout. He doesn’t really want to talk about it, though.

“That’s good.” He answers absentmindedly, staring at Jeno’s laptop as Kim Possible plays for all of them to see.

“Jisung told me that--” 

Renjun picks up his phone, starting to type out a message in his family group chat. “I don’t want to talk about this.” He mutters and the sound of an iMessage sending fills the short silence.

“Renjun… we think you should know. The five of us talked and Yangyang caught us up,” Donghyuck continues, placing a comforting hand on Renjun’s knee. It burns.

“Yeah,” Yangyang speaks up again. “I met up with him and we-we talked about you.”

All his friends seem to have some insight on this, but Renjun knows he’s going to ignore it. “I think you need the closure,” Hyunjin adds.

Everyone thinks things but they don’t think about what  _ Renjun  _ wants so he tells them. “I think we all know what Jaemin thinks of me, you guys,” Renjun chuckles, shaking his head. 

Hyunjin is looking at him sympathetically. She’s never been good at hiding her emotions. For the past two years, Renjun has been convinced Yangyang doesn’t have emotions besides intense happiness but two days ago that idea of him was shattered. Jeno is sitting behind him but Renjun knows he’s probably giving him a sad look too. Mark is always level-headed and masks his emotions well. Donghyuck is looking down at his now clasped hands that sit in his lap.

“I know I started this mess but it _hurts_ so I don’t want to talk about it. But the second I do want to talk about it, and want closure, I’ll come to you guys. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jeno replies. No one else seems to be on board but they go with it after a second. “Alright,” Mark seconds the decision. “Let’s watch something else, yeah?” He gets up to change the show. Renjun lays his head in Jeno’s lap and he moves his friend’s hand to his hair, hoping Jeno gets the hint and he does. He smiles down at Renjun with his perfect smile and crescent eyes, equal parts kind and sympathetic. 

Right now, all Renjun wants is his friends by his side and that’s what he has.

  
  
  
  
  


A few nights later, Renjun is awoken to what he can only assume is another dorm party, most likely started by Jaemin. He hasn’t transferred, was convinced not to by Jisung and it’d taken a lot to get to this point, Yangyang had told him a couple of days ago.

Renjun has been avoiding Jaemin to his best ability, fully immersing himself in dance and classes and homework for his minor as well. He goes to class, rehearsals, the gym and the dorm, only allowing time to see his friends and squeezing in time slots to call his family. So far, it’s proven to be a successful plan. Until tonight.

He glares at the digital clock on his desk.  _ 03:56 _ . Renjun should have been woken up by his alarm at  _ six am _ , not three hours prior to music so loud it’s vibrating his bones.

Yangyang has a pillow over his ear and Renjun gets up, throwing on a pair of sweatpants and pulling a sweatshirt that’s too big to be his own over the t-shirt he was sleeping in. The younger sits up, his blanket falling. “Renjun, you shouldn’t--”

Renjun ignores him, already out the door after slipping on his slides and storming three doors down. In his rage, Renjun doesn’t even remember knocking on the door, just knows that once he’s in front of the wood, it’s open and a strong smell of alcohol and a bit of weed hits him.

“Oh. My. Gosh! It’s you!” Someone exclaims. Renjun remembers her as the girl he’d seen Jaemin making out with when he was over at Donghyuck’s dorm. He scowls and sets his gaze on Jaemin. “Turn off the music or I’m going to Public Safety and getting you fucking raided.”

Jaemin snorts. He’s so unbelievably high and it shows in his body language, his red rimmed eyes and slightly slow reactions. “What, are you gonna go fuck someone at Public Safety too?” He raises an eyebrow, a lazy smile curling the corners of his mouth. Jaemin is clearly trying to get under Renjun’s skin and as much as Renjun hates to admit it, it’s working.

“Should I call them for you? I’ll let them know how you like to be fucked, if you want? Tell them to pull your hair a little, mark you up where your instructor can’t see, call you a  _ dirty, little s _ \--”

“Jaemin.” Yukhei interrupts him with a stern voice. He seems to be the only sober person in the room but Renjun isn’t sure, doesn’t really care.

He scoffs. Renjun can play whatever fucked up game Jaemin is too. “You’re talking like  _ I’m  _ the one who got around and _ fucked half of our Class _ .” Renjun turns to the girl he recognised from a few days ago. He smiles sweetly at her, “I was actually thinking of starting a support group. Wanna join?”

“Don’t bring her into this!” Jaemin shouts, as if there’s anything he could do in his crossed stupor. “Turn off your fucking music and I won’t bring anyone into anyth--”

“ _ You two _ ,” A higher pitched voice yells over them. Renjun turns abruptly, the rage in his body still having spiked his blood pressure but his face falls as he turns to see Ten, the RA of his floor. “Are coming with me.”

Renjun frowns. “Why do I have to come? I didn’t do anything!”   
  
The blank expression on Ten’s face has yet to change. “Renjun, if you don’t think the sound of your screaming was louder than this music,” he begins, sending a look towards Yukhei, who was turning the music off with a sheepish smile, “we need to take you to Health Services for a hearing evaluation. You are so loud I think they could hear you in Canada.” 

Renjun opened his mouth, but Yukhei shook his head at him. He promptly closed it, admitting defeat. “I’m not writing you up,” Ten continues on, seemingly mostly to Jaemin, who’s shoulders visibly relaxed at the comment, “ _ yet _ . But I need the two of you to come with me.”

Ten leads them to his room and Renjun bites his lip. 

“Listen,” Ten massages his temples. “I have a ten page paper due tomorrow and I’m only on page eight.” Renjun and Jaemin share a look that says  _ what does that have to do with us _ ?

“I am going to go to the lounge, make a cup of coffee and try to get as close to ten pages as I can. You two are going to sort out whatever problems you have that caused that stupid screaming match at almost four in the morning.” Ten glares at Jaemin for a moment. “When I come back, we’ll have a five minute talk so I can document it. If no progress is made by the time I come back, both _ of you _ are getting written up.”

Renjun sighs and lets his head fall into his hands. He doesn’t have the time or the emotional capacity to deal with this right now! He’s  _ supposed  _ to be sleeping, warm and cuddled in his bed with his sixteen inch Moomin plushie  _ not  _ in the RA’s room with Jaemin sitting across from him like he wants to kill him ten times over!

Jaemin is looking around Ten’s room before letting his gaze settle on Renjun. “You’re seriously going to make me promise to stop playing music?” He asks, apathetically. He’s leaning back onto Ten’s bed, his shirt riding up a bit. A tattoo pokes out from the material but most of them aren’t hard to see, the white of the shirt a little more see through than it should be.

Renjun looks away. “Maybe I should just move to a different building.” Despite not looking directly at him, Renjun doesn’t miss Jaemin rolling his eyes. 

“That’s fucking stupid.” Jaemin deadpans, sitting up straighter now. “Are you gonna keep being a dick about the music or not?”   
  


“It’s not  _ stupid _ ,” Renjun argues. Okay, maybe he’s a bit dramatic but there was some logic in the suggestion. “I can’t sleep and you can’t stand the sight of me.”

Renjun’s mouth is open to say more but Jaemin’s scoff makes him lose his train of thought. “You think I what?” He asks, clearly amused. Renjun rolls his eyes this time. “You are the most dramatic person I’ve ever met.”

“ _ I’m _ dramatic?” Renjun retorts. “I’m not the one who had a complete breakdown over a freaking essay.” Yangyang had filled him in about one of the many reasons Jaemin had that breakdown a few weeks ago. A paper he had was at the top of the list, right behind some family problems with his mom.

“Yeah, whatever, I know I’m nothing but a degenerate. You don’t have to move out, though.”

Renjun gives Jaemin a look. “When did I  _ ever  _ call you a degenerate?”

He feigns a contemplative expression, snapping his fingers as if a lightbulb went off in his head, reminding him. “Remember when our best friend Dayun asked me to help her with  _ Port de Bras _ ? Bet you thought I wasn’t listening.” Jaemin winks but Renjun knows it’s sarcastic.

Admittedly, Renjun didn’t actually mean it, just said it in the heat of the moment and now he definitely regrets it. “I’m talking about the ‘ _ nothing but _ ’. After all this time, you think that’s how I feel about you?”

Jaemin crosses his arms over his chest. “C’mon, honey.” 

“I said I could never lie to you, Jaemin. Do you remember that or do you just pick and choose what you want to remember?” Renjun looks away. There’s silence for a moment. Renjun takes in Ten’s room while neither of them are talking, his mind running a mile a minute. The room is spacious, should be because it’s a single, and is surprisingly neat. He doesn’t know why he expected it to be dirty though. There’s a frame of Ten and someone else on his small bedside table. Renjun assumes it’s his boyfriend.

“If anyone has been lying between the two of us, it’s  _ you _ .” Renjun glances at Jaemin through his eyelashes. Jaemin shakes his head, very lightly. “I haven’t lied to you, Renjun.”

Hearing Jaemin say his name after so long feels so foreign to his brain (and his heart). “Well… If it is true that you don’t want me around then I’ll just move dorms next year or I’ll do it tomorrow, I don’t care. I just need the end of the year and the recital to go well, okay?” Renjun feels like he’s begging, practically screaming at himself in his head not to cry.

“It’s not that and I  _ don’t  _ want you to move out, idiot.” The tiniest smile creeps up on Jaemin’s lips and as fast as it appears, it leaves. “The whole thing, when we ‘broke up’,” he puts air quotes around it. “It made me feel like complete shit.

Renjun frowns. He expected Jaemin to say more, to keep going and explain but when another moment of silence passed, Renjun realised how hard it probably was for Jaemin to admit that to Renjun, causing the older to urge him to elaborate. “What made you feel like shit, Jaemin?” He asks, dropping his indifferent tone for one that was more kind and soft. He did care, truly, and Renjun had never meant for Jaemin to ever feel like anything less. “I told you it wasn’t a big deal, we didn’t really break anything up--”

“I know,” Jaemin interrupts him. “It wasn’t just  _ that _ , though. More of like, the whole situation, you know?”

Renjun hums in acknowledgement. Despite telling himself not to cry, he sniffles, causing Jaemin to look at him and it seems like that’s the last straw for Renjun’s lacrimal ducts. Now Renjun feels bad, for not knowing he made Jaemin feel that way. “Hey,” Jaemin puts a comforting hand on Renjun’s shoulder but it burns, through the sweatshirt and his t-shirt to his skin. “And you know… I also said you didn’t do anything either.”

“You  _ yelled  _ it,” Renjun corrects him, keeping his gaze on the picture frame of Ten and who Renjun assumed was his boyfriend.

Jaemin hums. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have done that. I was just already stressed and then seeing you just… reminded me of everything and I blew up. But really, I shouldn’t have.”

It takes another, shorter moment for Jaemin to continue. “When we were _us_… You helped me out so much. I dropped out of medical school for fucks sake, to do fucking veterinary school. I used to hate my old college. I was always showing up late, _barely_ passing with high seventies and low eighties in all of my classes, when I knew I could be doing so much fucking better. Coming here and seeing you again? Having you in my life again made me organized and everything was just so great,” He sighed. “But I was getting you yelled at in rehearsal and made you go that _stupid_ _fucking_ party and I--” his voice cracks. Renjun feels his own heart break a little more as Jaemin continues on.

“I took your first time from you and hurt you, even if it was unintentional, I still  _ did _ it. And I feel really bad about it,  _ all of it _ .”

Renjun turns to Jaemin and urges him to look at him. Jaemin’s eyes are glossy and the high from before has most definitely worn away. “You didn’t  _ make  _ me do any of those things.” Renjun begins to reassure him but Jaemin scoffs in disbelief. “Really! I was the one who made those decisions, Jaem, so  _ please  _ don’t blame yourself for the outcome. Before you, I knew five people on this campus, including Yangyang. Even then, I didn’t really  _ know  _ Yangyang. Not the way I know you, or Donghyuck, Mark, Jeno and Hyunjin.”

“So, you did some good things for me too, Jaemin. Even if you don’t think so. Besides… I.” Renjun breathes in. It’s taken him a while to admit this to himself and now he’s about to say it aloud. “I missed you.”

Jaemin wipes his eyes. “I missed you too. And… I still like you.”

That comes as a shock to Renjun. “God,  _ why _ ?” He asks, shaking his head at the revelation. 

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been asking myself.” Jaemin quips, a small giggle tumbling past his lips. A tiny smile quirks at Renjun’s lips that he doesn’t have the heart to will away.

He wipes his own eyes, holding a hand out. “So, friends?”

“ _ Friends _ ?” Jaemin asks.

Renjun licks his lips. A part of him doesn’t want to be friends but a larger part knows it has to stay like this. “Friends, Jaemin.”

Jaemin takes Renjun’s smaller hand and shakes it. “‘Kay. Friends.”

Another beat of silence passes. “What the  _ fuck _ are we going to tell Ten for his documentation?” Jaemin asks and Renjun bursts into laughter.

  
_ Friends _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter coming asap i promise promise promise this time omg


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> renjun, hyuck, hyunjin, and chaewon choreo for the port de bras:  
0:58 - 1:41 -> [bye bye bye](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev3xmpWkNJs)  
2:46 - 3:44 -> [baby one more time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMcwnwl_ku4)

Later that morning at rehearsal for his solo, Sicheng noticed that Renjun had a better attitude than whatever dump he had been in for the past few weeks.

Renjun knew he was feeling better as well, even though he’d only gotten one more hour of sleep after the whole incident in Ten’s room. He felt a little bit sad, knowing that Jaemin wasn’t the one at the piano but Renjun loved Taeil so nothing felt weird anymore. All the pieces in the puzzle of Renjun’s life were finally coming back together and being placed where they should be.

His intense feeling of content was helpful, seeing as there were a lot less mistakes in his combinations as he did the dance full out, not even focused on the way Sicheng was most likely breaking down and picking apart the whole performance in his head. After one of his leaps, a specifically difficult revoltade, Sicheng whistled. Renjun beams, a wide smile making his cheeks hurt, and as soon as the dance is over and the music fades out, he takes a humble little sweep-bow, and laughs.

Sicheng was laughing too, and did a very short applause for Renjun with Taeil, a tiny act of approval that had Renjun’s already high spirits soaring. It’s rare for Renjun to see Sicheng act like this in a full class so the fact that it’s a side of himself that Sicheng shows only for Renjun makes him feel accomplished.

“I really, _ really _ hope,” Renjun begins, continuing his high with a small set of pique turns, “that I get applause mid-routine for that one. I think I would die on stage.” Renjun remembered when Sicheng had demonstrated the step, the first day of solo rehearsals. He thought it might be physically and mentally impossible for him. Getting over his fear of it was the most difficult part. It was amazing what he could do once he got over whatever he was afraid of.

“Oh, no,” Sicheng shook his head, “or I wouldn’t want applause in the middle of my routine.”

“_ What _?” Renjun asked incredulously, finally spinning to sit on the floor, “Why not?”

Sicheng thinks carefully for a moment. “Applause is when the audience has an… epiphany of sorts, where they finally _ get it _. They understand what you’re doing and are impressed by it. I want to have them here,” he held out his hand, “from the moment I step out on stage. I don’t want them to have time to clap, too immersed in the performance. For them to understand from the first move to the last. Anyway,” he clears his throat. 

“On that first developpe, you sickled your foot on the way down. You have to--”

Renjun didn’t know why it seemed like anytime he knew anything, something else happened to make him feel like he knew absolutely nothing.

After his lunch break, Renjun returns to the studio for _ pas de deux _. He greets Hyunjin happily but she clearly doesn’t have the same kind of enthusiasm with the way she grunts a response. They’re supposed to be learning a new routine today to perform before the actual Winter Showcase. It’s part of their final grade and that fact is stressing everyone out as they rehearse their patterns across the floor during the first water break.

Hyunjin was clearly stressed with the way she let out a _ ‘hmph’ _ as Renjun lifted her. When it’s finished she blows hair out of her face, despite the fact that her long, black hair is in the required ballerina bun and the black headband should be keeping stray hairs out of her eyes.

“Here,” Renjun orders, placing his hands around her waist, gently pressing her hips and his own fingers into the base of her spine. She frowns at him as she tilts her hips and Renjun laughs a little. “Watch your turn out, Jini. Aren’t you a dancer?”

She sticks her tongue out at him. “Let’s change our concentration to jazz or hip hop or something.” She whines, bringing her hands to her head to regulate her breathing. A breathy laugh escapes Renjun’s throat again. “We suck at those genres.”

Hyunjin turns away, “Donghyuck! We’re switching to hip hop!” She announces to him. Renjun groans, telling her to come back and do it again as she runs away to grab her water. “Chaewon! Run away with me!” She jokes, wrapping her arms around the other girl’s waist.

“Of _ course, _my dear,” She agrees, in a fake British accent. “Is Renjun not satisfying you?” 

Hyunjin giggles. “I’m sure Renjun is _ very _ satisfying,” Her voice drips honey and is sultry. She winks at Renjun, nodding behind him to where Jaemin is sitting at the piano. He turns a little, to find Jaemin watching their play fight. He stays silent, a smirk on his lips. 

_ Take a joke _, he remembers Jaemin telling him once, a long time ago. So, he does just that.

“Yeah,” Renjun begins, bringing his leg to the barre to stretch before Sicheng made them cross the floor with their patterns. A smug smile graces his lips as he prepares himself to say the next bit. “You can ask your dad.”

Chaewon gasps, a wheeze falling from her mouth as she laughs on the floor and Hyunjin is smiling so hard it must hurt. Renjun glances at Jaemin, who winks at him, a small smile on his face too. Donghyuck rolls his eyes and chuckles, holding out a hand for Chaewon to take as her laughter subsides. 

“Stay away from my father, Renjun!” Chaewon exclaims, feigned offense and disgust in her voice. Renjun raises an eyebrow with the same sly smile. “Tell him to stay away from me!”

This time Jaemin snorts, messing up the chords on the vamp he’s been playing while they were on break. Sicheng fixes the five of them with a glare that isn’t completely serious and has them shying away from his disapproval, hiding their laughs and giggles behind their hands.

He calls for everyone to line up again, forcing the group of them to regain their composure. The pair in front of Hyunjin and Renjun start their combination first when Renjun has an epiphany of sorts. He turns to Chaewon. “Can you help me with something?”

A look of confusion flashes across her face. “Uh, yeah, what do you--”

“Renjun!” Sicheng yells, claps the counts as he rushes to catch up to Hyunjin. He looks back to Chaewon before fully immersing himself in the routine and the look in both of their eyes tells them that after rehearsal, they’ll pick up their conversation where it had been left at.

  
  
  
  
  


For the first time since _ That _, Renjun finds himself in Jaemin’s dorm doing absolutely nothing, also for the first time in a few days. He caught up with homework by putting in long hours at the library after rehearsals and class, and the efforts proved to be fruitful. 

The two of them are sitting in silence until Renjun’s iMessage pings. It’s a text from Jaemin, who’s on his laptop looking extra concentrated. He raises an eyebrow in confusion and taps on the message.

> ** _jaemin_ **
> 
> ** _send me a meme_ **

Renjun stifles his laugh and does as Jaemin requests, sending something he thought was particularly funny. He looks up at Jaemin to see his reaction and when it doesn’t change, Renjun pouts. Another text from Jaemin comes in.

> ** _jaemin_ **
> 
> ** _seen it already..._ **
> 
> ** _renjun_ **
> 
> ** _jeez_ **
> 
> ** _just doing what u asked sir_ **
> 
> ** _jaemin_ **
> 
> ** _LOL that was SOOO funny XD_ **

Renjun returns his gaze to Jaemin, whose expression still hasn’t changed. What’s up with him?

> ** _renjun_ **
> 
> ** _why r u being an asshole_ **
> 
> ** _would u like me to stalk twt to make sure i find a good meme?_ **
> 
> ** _jaemin_ **
> 
> ** _great idea._ **
> 
> ** _renjun_ **
> 
> ** _okay. just call me ur slave then ig_ **
> 
> ** _jaemin_ **
> 
> ** _yeah? ;)_ **

Renjun looks up, tired of talking through texts. “What’s up?” He cuts to the chase, getting up from his spot at Jaemin’s desk and standing in front of him. Jaemin looks up at him, then back to his laptop. “Stressed,” he mumbles. 

“Stressed about…?” Renjun urges Jaemin to continue. He can’t help if he doesn’t know what Jaemin is stressed about. The younger whines, “You’ll say I’m annoying if I tell you.” Renjun rolls his eyes. “If I thought you were being annoying, I wouldn’t be trying to help you.” He points out.

Jaemin huffs. “I’ve been procrastinating this paper.” Renjun almost wants to reply with _ again? _ but remembers what Jaemin _ just _said about being annoying. He composes himself. “How long and when’s it due?” Renjun sits next to him, finding a blank Word document.

“Five pages. Due tomorrow.” Jaemin smiles sheepishly, leaning over until his head was in Renjun’s lap. He brings Renjun’s hand to his newly dyed dark brown hair, nudging him to scratch his head. When Renjun complies, he closes his eyes. Renjun purses his lips together. 

“Stop judging me for being irresponsible,” Jaemin hums. “‘M not,” Renjun retorts. “What’s the paper about?” He’s really trying here.

“I dunno, joints and bones and things.” Jaemin begins. He goes off on a tirade about the aforementioned body parts and how they’re all related to another, how humans have the same bones as certain animals due to evolution. Renjun hums and nods at all the right places, keeping his fingers tangled in Jaemin’s hair as he talks.

When it seems he’s finished, Renjun grabs Jaemin’s laptop. “Here. Take everything you just told me and type it out.” Jaemin looks at Renjun like he just grew a second head. “How’s that supposed to help?”

What Jaemin must have forgotten about Renjun is that he’s _ the best _ at planning and writing papers. “We’re going to make a mind map and then dwindle down the topics to help you find something to focus your paper on. Then an outline and after that, the paper.”

Jaemin stares at him as he explains, not even blinking once. “After this, you’re telling me what _ you’re _stressed about.” Renjun gives him a weird look and chuckles. “Like you don’t already know.”

Jaemin talks over the click and clack of his keyboard. “Dance?” Renjun nods, “Spot on, Na. Can’t make a mind map for that.”

“You underestimate me, Huang. Can you get studio time?” His focus is on his mind map but he’s still engaged in the conversation. Renjun scrolls through his Google calendar. “Uhm, it’d have to be early tomorrow morning, earliest seven if I Sicheng gets back to me quick enough.”

Jaemin hums in acknowledgement. “Great! It’s a dat-- meet up.” He smiles. Renjun’s heart stutters. He’s not stupid but he’ll brush it off because he doesn’t want to think about what Jaemin was really going to say. “Okay.” He breathes out. “Now, your paper…”

  
  
  
  
  


“Hey,” Renjun greets quietly as he enters the studio they claimed for the morning. Jaemin is already there, set up at the piano. He grins over at Renjun, excited, like none of what just happened the day before happened. Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe Jaemin really didn’t care. Renjun didn’t know anymore.

“So what exactly are we trying to achieve here?” Renjun asked, sitting on the ground by Jaemin. He puts his dance shoes on and thinks about how he should stretch first, but he woke up late. Jaemin probably has things to do after this. Renjun doesn’t want him to waste his entire morning here.

Jaemin’s smile doesn’t let up. “If I tell you it wouldn’t be a surprise!” He puts his laptop to the side. “Just… do the dance like you usually do but before, I’m gonna give you some time to _ really _ think of the story.”

Renjun gives Jaemin a confused look, cocking his head to the side but he agrees. Renjun had absolutely no idea what he’s getting himself into but he walks to his position (or close enough to it, as there’s no one else around for him to be one hundred percent sure). 

Renjun’s first major cue is in Act II, when Cinderella arrives at the ball and everyone believes she’s a princess. It’s a happy moment for her, where she meets the prince and is finally free from her stepmother and stepsisters for one night. The company danced, and then he would dance, and then there would be a few more pas de deuxs, ending with Cinderella having to go back home. Most of Act II was about joy. About love at first sight, all those clichés that Renjun never really believed in.

And as soon as Renjun had that thought, Jaemin was playing the opening music. Renjun began as he always did, nothing about this feeling particularly different than it had before, even if he wanted it to feel different. He was conditioned to the movements, combinations and marked any pas de deux patterns. The sheet music Jaemin was using must have been simpler than what Taeil usually played because it didn’t sound exactly the same. 

As Renjun grand plied in prep for his first leap, he realized that there was the trickle of pop music coming from the speakers. Renjun almost stopped, faltered in his steps, a moment behind the music when he did the leap. 

“Full out, Renjun!!” Jaemin called over the music as the volume seemed to increase. 

As Renjun came down, crossing into his turn combination, he recognized the on-beat, well combined music of Kiss Me Thru the Phone by Soulja Boy and he snorts. He couldn’t help the laugh bubbling in his chest. 

The music changed from pop song to pop song as Renjun was mid-leap and he still laughed mid air, resulting in a shoddy ending but at this point, he didn’t even care. The songs were built into his routine, the tempo speeding up as he did, slowing down as well. When the two-minute section came to a close with the voice of Harry Styles circa 2011, singing “That’s what makes you beautiful,” Renjun was still laughing. He falls to the floor in a starfish position, never in his life getting a rush from dancing like that. If Sicheng had seen, he’d probably be equal parts amused and disappointed.

Jaemin shouted at him from the piano, “Again!”

Renjun was too busy laughing to respond. He rolled over, staring up at the lights and began to flex his feet to begin his stretches. “Tired already?”

Renjun responds when his breaths even out a bit more. “Can you give a guy a little bit of time to stretch? God,” He chuckles, grabbing his foot.

The smile on Jaemin’s face has his heart beat increasing. Renjun knows it’s not just because of the dance. 

He thinks for a moment, debating with himself before asking the question. “Hey-- Are you coming tomorrow?”

“What’s tomorrow?” Jaemin’s voice is muffled as he moves around, putting his belongings away. “It’s Parent’s Weekend but there’ll still be a few open seats.” Renjun goes down in his stretch. “You don’t have to, I’m not, like, forcing you or anything but… You know, everyone likes you. You’re like family here.” Renjun smiles, not too big, genuinely too. 

Jaemin nods, seems to be contemplating the request. “Everyone, huh? Not just you?” He retorts playfully, holding a hand out for Renjun to take. When he stands they’re closer than he expected. The urge his body has, to move closer, so much so that it just may be impossible, to lean up on his toes and--

“I’ll think about it.” Jaemin interrupts his train of thought. “O-okay! These are our last performances before the real thing so I was just- Maybe you wanted to-- You know,” Renjun gesticulates awkwardly. “Uhm. Can you send me the mp3 for whatever this just was?” He laughs nervously. Na Jaemin, making Renjun nervous? It’s uncanny. 

“For sure, when I get back to my dorm.” Jaemin begins to leave. Renjun bites his lip. “Jaem?”

He turns around, hand on the doorknob of the studio. “Yeah?” He looks at him, curiously.

“Thank you.” He said, hoping Jaemin knew what for. “For everything.” He added, because he knew that Jaemin might not.

“It was nothing.” He replied with a shrug, because of course he did. “Later, Junnie.”

The silence is deafening. _ Fuck _.

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun is used to waking up early, and has to be due to his major. His mother and brothers are finally in town and he took advantage of the morning to show them around the auditorium in the Arts Building. He knew his mom would like to know about all the behind the scenes things, her being the entire reason he was a dance major now. She danced when she was younger and was very proud of all her accomplishments. She tried for girls, but after his mom had a miscarrage in between the births of his older brother and Renjun, then his younger brother being born prematurely, she decided to give up. 

His family was one of dancers, besides Chenle, who’s dead set on becoming a basketball star though he is enrolled in a few classes. Dejun dabbled in the arts, and while he is invested in dance, he likes singing more. “This,” Renjun walks them over, “is our changing room. We leave the costumes outside in the hallway and bring them in when it’s actually time to get ready.”

His mother is clearly impressed and oogles over the material. “These girls must be tinier than you, Renjun.” Chenle jokes. Renjun rolls his eyes, “Stop touching,” he hisses instead, taking the hanger from Chenle’s hands. The hallway was practically lined with the racks, costumes labeled by first name and last initial, and more bags with performance shoes. Headpieces were placed meticulously into velvet bags hanging from hangers for each person. He places it back, hoping he didn’t just fuck up someone’s quick change. 

A group of girls he knew as seniors, one of them already with an offer to a company straight after graduation, walked down the hall, giggling and talking amongst themselves. His mother looked at him expectantly as they passed, but Renjun did nothing but look away. Hey, he had made friends. They just… weren’t them.

“Got any friends or is this a baren town until the show starts?” Dejun asked as his mother continued to wait for him to ostentatiously greet the girls. _ Be outgoing _ , _ Junnie _ , she used to tell him: _ it’s the connections that get you work, not the audition. _

“They’re not here right now but they’re around, will be around later. Do you guys want to eat or something?” He didn’t want to hear his family tell him about how much of a loser he was, especially when they haven’t even really been communicating with him the whole semester to be acting this way.

His mother adjusted the bag on her shoulder and threw a curveball question. “How about we see your dorm?” She was obviously ready to investigate for any signs of distraction. Alcohol. Drugs. Anything incriminating (in his mother’s mind). Last year, Renjun didn’t get a part in the recital, not even company (however, even that is rare for freshmen), so his family never bothered to come visit. Renjun was more content with going home anyway.

“Yeah, of course!” Renjun didn’t want to sound suspicious. He really didn’t have anything to hide anyway. He made sure to tell Yangyang to put away any of those kinds of things or give them to Yukhei, filling him in on how his mother is.

Their room was always neat, a surprise when Renjun’s first roommate dropped out, then having Yangyang move in. The other was just a big burst of energy and didn’t seem like someone who kept their room clean but Renjun knows that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Yangyang is at his desk, doing something, maybe homework or just fucking around on his laptop.

Yangyang and his family get acquainted, he and Chenle taking no time to get closer than he and Renjun have been in their entire lifetime. It must be that they’re both finally happy to have someone to talk with that can go twenty-four hours without bringing up dance. Renjun’s bed is made, though still a bit messy. His dance bag is thrown at the foot of it, a few things strewn out and other miscellaneous things like deodorant and his footundeez on his comforter. His mother gives him a look that has Renjun rushing to put it away. 

His side of the room is pretty plain, no posters or pictures with friends like Yangyang. Renjun does have a few polaroid, one for each family member on his wall but that’s pretty much it. “Do you even hang out or anything in here? Your room at home seems more cozy,” His mother comments.

Renjun glances at Yangyang, who shrugs helplessly. “Well, there are places on campus I go to more. You know, the library, Commuter Common Center, Starbucks… Better for concentration.” He grasps for an explanation. It’s true, most of it. But there are days when he’s at Donghyuck or Hyunjin’s dorm more often than his own room. Yangyang leaves a lot too so it’s not like they’re ever leaving each other alone.

After insisting again that they go eat, partly because Renjun doesn’t want to stay here any longer and partly because he’s really fucking hungry, he opens the door for them to exit and Chenle bumps into someone, the both of them colliding with an ‘argh’ before they compose themselves.

Renjun remembers he never told any of them about Jaemin’s transfer. The last impression they have of Jaemin was from their senior year of high school, not a very good impression of him to have.

“Uhm… Well-- Here’s kind of a funny story,” Renjun begins. “Na Jaemin.” Dejun deadpans. After what happened that winter break in high school, Dejun hated Jaemin, maybe more than Renjun did. “Wait. Okay, we’re past everything that happened back then, alright?” Renjun emphasizes that it’s in the past, they’re adults and they got over it, insinuating that his family should too.

“What are you studying here, Jaemin?” His mother asks. She still had a soft spot for him. Always said that he’d be back in Renjun’s life, somehow, some way. How are moms always right? Jaemin puts on his friendly smile, the one that made his mom fall in love with him in the first place. “Veterinary science, Ms. Huang. It’s nice seeing you guys, after all this time.”

“Jaemin has been helping out at the studio with sheet music and things while our usual pianist was on medical leave. It was kind of inevitable that we could avoid each other, since he’s been at all the rehearsals until hell week.” Renjun fills them in. His mother nods, but she’s caught up in a conversation with Jaemin. Dejun seems to be disapproving, a facial expression that says _ how could you let this happen _? Chenle seems indifferent, still talking with Yangyang but Renjun knows he’s listening and paying attention. Chenle is observant when he wants to be, and right now is definitely one of those times.

“Are you free, Jaemin? You’re welcome to join us for lunch.” His mother offers and the shock on his, Renjun, Dejun, Chenle _ and _ Yangyang’s faces is almost comedic. Jaemin recomposes himself but before he can answer, Renjun interrupts. “ _ Mom _, it’s Saturday afternoon. I bet he has better things to be doing right now.”

Renjun looks at Jaemin. “Besides, I have to be back at the auditorium in an hour.” Jaemin’s face is blank. Renjun doesn’t know how to decipher it anymore, not as well as he used to be able to. His mother budges and starts down the hall, Dejun following. Chenle bids a goodbye to Yangyang and catches up to them. Renjun begins to follow them as well, but stops to turn, “Uh… Will I see you? At the--” 

Jaemin nods. “Yeah.”

At lunch, Dejun and his mother bombard him with questions about Jaemin. _ When did he transfer? Why is he, a student, playing the piano for the Recital? How could you let him back in your life so easily _(Dejun asked that one. Renjun doesn’t blame him because he himself doesn't even have an answer to that). Chenle doesn’t have anything to add, but Renjun knows he might, when it’s just the two of them back at home. That’s just how their dynamic works and Renjun is glad for it. As much as he loves his mother and Dejun, sometimes they’re just so overbearing and don’t know when to stop coddling him. Despite Chenle being a year younger than him, they click well and if Renjun didn’t have Donghyuck to call his best friend, Chenle would be right there.

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun stretches with Hyunjin when they get free time after doing their makeup. He’s listening to the mp3 of the compilation Jaemin had made, fighting to keep the smile off his face. He doesn’t want Hyunjin to ask what’s got him so happy, even though she would most likely make a correct, educated guess.

The show starts and Renjun tries to immerse himself in the actual music, the complex chords and music coming from Taeil and his orchestra but there’s a small part in the back of his brain that plays Jaemin’s unique mix as he goes on stage for his sections. No matter how he tried, it didn’t really leave his mind, not even as he danced. Renjun tried his hardest not to attribute the success of his dance, the roaring applause or the high fives he got from Sicheng and hugs from Hyunjin backstage, to it. But he’d be lying if he said it had nothing to do with it.

Ballet is meticulous, technical and focused. It’s precise. And Renjun loves all of those things about it, loves to get lost in the pain that the success follows. But few things can’t be improved with a little bit of early One Direction.

Renjun finds his family in the lobby and they embrace him in a bone-crushing hug for longer than he’d like any of his friends to see. Jeno, Mark and Yangyang are with them (Renjun managed to get them extra tickets) and Renjun manages to introduce them all to Hyunjin and her family, as well as let his mother see Donghyuck’s parents, though they probably see each other often back at home anyway.

Hyunjin nudges Renjun and nods her head in the opposite direction. Renjun follows her line of sight, past a group of prospective students who got tickets for free if they’d been admitted to the college. Jaemin is there, and when their eyes meet he stands a little straighter (if it’s even possible) and a smile breaks out on his face. Renjun gives a tiny wave but gestures to his family and the others, hoping Jaemin understands it’ll take a while to get away from them all.

The adults’ conversation turned to a wine bar a few blocks away from campus. “You should go,” he nudged his mom. “_ Make some friends _.” He imitated her lowly, knowing that she would have said the same to him.

“Oh, yes!” Hyunjin’s mother exclaimed. She smiled brightly, and Renjun finally realized how much Hyunjin looked like her, “Please, join us. Would you like to come, Renjun?”

“You know what? I would _ love _ to, but I’m not twenty-one. But by all means,” He all but pushed his parents towards the other adults. “Go out and enjoy yourselves.” He looked behind himself for a split second to make sure Jaemin was still there, watching him. He’d go up to him after the conversation was finally over. “We’re all probably going to do something after we cool down.”

“Do you have plans for dinner?” His mom began, two seconds shy from a tirade. Renjun promised he’d text her what they decided on doing and after, albeit a little reluctantly, she followed the other parents towards cars. Dejun and Chenle were close behind, insisting that they’d take an Uber back to the hotel. Chenle doesn’t have much of a choice. 

Renjun turned back and Jaemin was still there. Renjun beamed. He wondered if he could do that jumping hug thing but when he stepped in Jaemin’s direction, the other turned and walked away, back towards the studios.

Renjun stopped, staring at the empty space. He was… confused. Maybe he hadn’t seen Renjun. Maybe he wished he didn’t. Maybe Renjun should try to stop guessing because if he knew literally anything it was that he knew absolutely nothing. “Go, follow him.” Hyunjin whispers to him.

“But everyone else is--” “Don’t worry, I’ll cover you. You guys need to talk.” Hyunjin insists, pushing him lightly and winking. She turns back to the group, engaging in their conversation about where they should eat off campus.

Renjun opens the door to the studio he watched Jaemin enter, closing it quietly behind him but just loud enough for Jaemin to know he was there. “Hey… Did you see me?”

There’s a beat of silence as Jaemin scrolls through his phone. He’s not really paying attention, Renjun could tell with his tone in his response. “Couldn’t miss you.”

“Well, you’re one to talk,” Renjun tries to lighten the mood. He doesn’t know why Jaemin is acting this way. “Everyone saw you out there, even Hyunjin.”

“I know you saw me,” Jaemin replies, a hint of annoyance in his voice. “I get it, honey. We don’t have to talk about it.”

Renjun steps closer to him but Jaemin turns. “You think I’m playing stupid or something? What are _ you _talking about?”

Jaemin sighs. “I know we’re trying to be friends and all, but I clearly don’t fit in with your life. Dance being your end all be all and-and the perfect little family you have. It used to be me, but it’s _ not _anymore, okay?”

Renjun shakes his head. “What?” He whispers at first. He’s so confused, nothing is making sense but when has it ever? “What the fuck are you talking about, Jaemin? Even after all this time, my mom is still obsessed with you! Dejun is… He and Chenle will get over it. You’ve changed and they all see that. I don’t care what my brothers think of you but- my mom? She loves you. Everyone loves you.”

Jaemin is clearly shocked at the news, his mouth opening then closing as he had no answer. “Why?”

“Because you’re _ you _ . You’re Na Jaemin.” Renjun said it like that explained everything because, well, it did. Maybe now he knew what Hyunjin was talking about when she said that Jaemin was ‘ _ one of those guys _’. Jaemin scoffs, “Okay.”

He doesn’t believe him. “I’m not arguing with you about this again.”

“Fine.” 

“Fine,” Renjun crosses his arms over his chest. The tension in the room was so thick it was suffocating. Renjun didn’t know how to end the conversation, or relationship or _ whatever _. He took a small step towards the piano, shifting uncomfortably. Like he didn’t know what he was doing (Because he didn’t). He was just hoping for the best outcome of whatever was going to happen next.

Renjun plopped himself down on the bench and began to play the only song he knew how to play, one his Chenle had taught him a while ago. Renjun didn’t know much about the piano, only figured out some songs that he knew Chenle liked and messed around on the younger’s keyboard because he liked getting on his brother’s nerves. 

Jaemin sighs and over the sound of the piano, Renjun hears him approach. He takes a seat next to him, staring at him flatly. Renjun changes the song to something he’s sure Jaemin knows: Heart and Soul. Jaemin scoffs, a small smile on his face as he plays the higher notes on the other side of the instrument. Renjun hadn’t played in a while, hasn’t been going home as often as he did last year and hasn’t had the chance to brush up on his less than average piano skills. He can’t do the rest of the song without staring at the keys but he can’t bring himself to look away from Jaemin.

He’s entranced and Renjun’s body goes into autopilot mode, leaning in and kisses Jaemin on the lips. It comes as a surprise, a muffled _ hmph _ escaping him before he realizes and kisses back, his hand snaking up the side of Renjun’s arm then cupping the side of his face.

Jaemin’s hand wraps around the back of Renjun’s head and his fingernails scraped against the back of his neck as their mouths met with a different kind of harmony. Renjun places his hands on Jaemin’s shoulders and nips at Jaemin’s lip, tugging him closer.

When they both pull away, Renjun isn’t ready to face Jaemin yet, so he kept his eyes closed, taking a deep breath and exhaling with louder-than intentioned sigh. He dropped his forehead, feeling it press up against Jaemin’s.

“_ Fuck _,” he sighed.

This wasn’t part of the plan but he couldn't lie about it anymore, not with it backhanding him across the face.

Jaemin’s pointed finger pushes into the space under his ear, and Renjun thinks the _ fuck _ is mutual.

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun huffs out a nervous breath, getting into position for the dance. Although _ Port de Bras _ was entirely student-run and regulated, to say, it almost seemed most prestigious, in Renjun’s perspective. All of the students, freshmen to seniors, were cheering their way through their friends and total strangers routines, laughing, screaming in shock and amusement, and taking Snapchat videos. When Renjun had first found out about it, he was tempted to call the whole event a popularity contest but he kind of figured that those movies he used to watch when he was younger lied about popularity only mattering in high school. It seemed more and more apparent to him that life was a bit of a popularity contest, if you weren’t already rich.

Among the crowd, Renjun spotted Jaemin standing by the door. His arms were crossed and he seemed to be relaxed but Renjun could tell he was confused. Renjun never got the chance to explain what exactly _ Port de Bras _ was, just insisted Jaemin come to the studio after his last class, which almost matched up with the time slot the seniors had chosen to begin. Jaemin walked in two routines before Renjun’s so he really has no clue what’s going on.

He didn’t know what Renjun would be doing in such a show-case, primarily that of hip-hop, neither, apparently, did the rest of the students. Neither, really, did Renjun himself, but one joke to Chaewon made itself reality, and now here he was, readying himself in between Hyunjin, Chaewon and Donghyuck, in fifth position.

The beginning was actually Donghyuck’s idea, and designed to confuse. The music began, by one of the three giggling seniors on the floor who had already seen the routine, when they auditioned a week prior. They danced through a small ballet combination, more so the girls dancing around Donghyuck and Renjun than anything else, as they were shoulders to lean on. Renjun felt a blush creep on his face under the gaze of his classmates and others in the dance major -- because they truly had no idea what the fuck they were watching or how it got accepted for the event.

And then the beat of the music dropped.

The entire room seemingly at once had realized what they had done. The first person to laugh loudly from the back of the room was Jaemin. NYSNC’s _ Bye Bye Bye _ blasted on the speakers and the ballet dance did a complete 180 into hip hop and street-esque, almost. Donghyuck and Chaewon had the most experience in this field so they ended up choreographing most of it, but Renjun and Hyunjin decided on the songs for the mashup. 

Renjun’s hips, and lines, especially compared to the pieces at the beginning, paled in comparison to his peers. Hip hop was as much of a difficult art form as ballet, and it wasn’t to be mastered in two weeks. But the room burst into applause and shrill shouts of surprise so loud, he could barely hear the song change from NSYNC to Britney Spears’ Baby One More Time. Renjun laughed and hoped the silliness would cancel out his lack of technique in hip hop.

Renjun wished it was a blur to him, but it was a painfully slow burn of facing his classmates, trying to fake the confidence he didn’t have with his hips moving and face laughing. Jaemin was losing it in the corner, his phone definitely recording the entire thing. The dance had more exaggerated, sensual movements than necessary (courtesy of Donghyuck) but, really, it was just a whole lot of fun.

When the whole thing is over, their group doesn’t end up winning the event, unfortunately but Renjun doesn’t even care. He’s got enough Starbucks gift cards anyway. The more important thing is that he had a shit ton of fun with his friends. People he’s never even talked to or even seen around school are coming up to him and the other three, complimenting the choreography and song choices, begging to be taught one day. That’s not his area of expertise so Renjun slips away into the dressing room, finding Jaemin in there. 

“That was definitely a surprise.” Jaemin comments, slinging Renjun’s dance bag over his shoulder. Renjun laughs. “A lot of it came from Chaewon but I planted the seed in her head.” He admits, happily. He’s glad to let Chaewon and Donghyuck get all the spotlight, after all they did the hardest parts. Renjun was just the one who suggested the prompt.

Jaemin grabs his hand and they swing back and forth as they walk back to the dorm, slowly but content to be with each other.

  
  
  
  
  


“Junnie,” Renjun was faintly aware Jaemin was shaking his body and he didn’t care. Renjun huffed on the skin under his mouth in response to show he was waking up a bit, assuming he was laying on Jaemin’s collarbone or maybe his stomach. He shoved his face into it, feeling his body become heavy with sleep again.

“Babe,” Jaemin’s lips brushed against his forehead. “Some of us have to go to their finals.” Renjun had his last dance final the day before, so he was free. He had to stay on campus for the next three weeks for another recital and the hell week they were in was kicking his ass beyond it’s limits. Jaemin tried to roll Renjun off of his body. Renjun went further lax, weighing himself down harder. “_ Babe _.”

“Don’t go,” Renjun whined into his body, gripping him with whatever he could get his hands on. “Stay here, I’ll give you a final.” He tried to sound seductive but he really didn’t know what that meant.

“That is,” Jaemin chuckled. “The last thing I’d expect to hear from my boyfriend’s mouth.” Renjun’s head jolted up, eyes blinking in the light at that. He kind of figured that’s where they were at, but neither of them had necessarily said it yet. Jaemin’s face was warm and lovely in the soft light of the dorm, the sun forcing them to begin their day because he and Yukhei never bought curtains (of course they didn’t). Renjun didn’t even know what to say for that, so he launched himself forward and pressed a kiss on Jaemin’s lips before remembering neither of them had brushed their teeth yet.

“Oh,” Yukhei gasped from his bed, “how the tables have turned.” But Renjun wasn’t really paying attention, because Jaemin nipped at his bottom lip.

“I have something to show you,” Jaemin muttered practically in his mouth so Renjun slid back, flopping on his back on the bed. Jaemin gracelessly rolled out of his bed and on to his feet. “Do you?” Renjun asked, eyes squinting in the light.

“Y’all are gross,” Yukhei sighed and got up, approaching the door, bag on his shoulders. “I’m heading to my final.” Renjun laughed at his annoyance. “Later, Yukhei.”

He turns his attention back to Jaemin. “What were you showing me?” He eyed Jaemin’s sweatpants.

“My eyes are up here, thanks, honey.” Jaemin quips, grinning. He pulled a scantron out of his bag. “I was so nervous about it, I asked my prof if I could pick it up yesterday.” 

** _HUMAN ANATOMY - 100%_ ** was written across the top of it. Jaemin watched Renjun look at it, hands clasped in front of him, looking like a nervous school child. His eyes were wide, smiling tight.

“Jaem,” Renjun exhaled happily, almost sighing his name. “Baby, that’s amazing!” Jaemin’s face split into a happy grin, and he collapsed on top of him.

“It wasn’t stressful at all either,” he kissed Renjun’s face like Renjun had done anything to contribute to his perfect score. “I just… _ got _ it. It was fucking awesome. Once I started answering questions and getting into it, I just, like, _ was _ you know? I think I have photographic memory now, after studying all those fucking diagrams.”

“It’s challenging, but you like challenges.” Renjun grinned into Jaemin’s heavy shoulder.

“Yeah,” Jaemin leaned back, a faux halo around his head from the light coming in through the window, dark hair appears a light auburn color. “I do.”

“Well, _ maybe _,” Renjun pushed some hair behind his ear, scratching his fingers on the scalp there. Jaemin hummed softly. “You should take another anatomy class. I never really got why you’re studying something you know how to do.”

“You know how to dance,” Jaemin reminded him thoughtfully, but not fully rejecting his suggestion.

“Trust me,” Renjun scoffs. “There is _so_ _much_ shit I still don’t know about dance,” he replies seriously, letting Jaemin flop on to his chest, wrapping his arms behind his head. “Among other things.”

And it was true. There was a lot Renjun didn’t know. Like how to do a presage lift without Hyunjin smashing her face into the floor. Or what their life would be like next semester. But he did know that with the warm sun on his face, and Jaemin pressing his body into his own, that he was happy.

It wasn't something he had placed a ton of value in, Renjun had come to realize just now. He had been so busy chasing his own personal success with dance that he hadn't given his happiness much of a thought. It messed him up for a while, and Jaemin, albeit indirectly and Renjun didn’t mean for that to happen, but if it never happened he wouldn’t be where he was now. And he’d rather be here, than anywhere else in the world.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS FINISHED! so so so so sorry this took so long. i got busy with finals (i needed to rly focus on them, i'm only a college freshman! T^T) and then i went on christmas break so i really used that time to recover from the stressors of school, homework, exams and all those annoying things. the spring semester is now in full effect and while i am very busy, i found some time to grind this out and finally finish it! 
> 
> my first ending for this did not have endgame renmin since i thought it wouldn't make sense to have them get together after everything they'd gone through (past and present) but because it took me so long to just sit and write, i decided the least i could do for u guys was give u the endgame renmin you were probably waiting for ^-^
> 
> i'm most likely taking another break, to focus on my spring semester and get my grades up!! my gpa isn't bad but it's not where i want it to be so i'd like to put my all into my grades and hopefully y'all understand! i'll be back soon with another fic hopefully, that's even better than this one!
> 
> thank u so much for not giving up and waiting patiently for updates even though it was hard for me to just churn these two out. i luv u all!!! ♡
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lcvemarket)  
[curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/lcvemarket)

**Author's Note:**

> next part coming asap i promise :-)
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/dunkyushot)


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